Did I post yesterday? Eh, too lazy to check. Days are starting to run into each other. So tired. And so much to do. Nothings happening.
I went on a run. That's the extent of interesting things in my life. Oh and Emi has officially gone insane. This girl needs a therapist. I'm starting to think I'm not kidding when I say stuff like that. It's kinda scary.
Brave. It was ok. Not the best, but still ok. Made me think of my mom.
I had math. For four hours. I died. It was easy but really why mom, why?
That's it.
The color of the sky: End of the day. I was walking back home, it was a clean sheet of thick silk. A giant cloth of intense blue, trimmed with gold at the edges. Stars tiny but clear shone like diamonds sewn into the soft fabric.
Tuesday 31 July 2012
Monday 30 July 2012
A life time in 3 weeks
It's been a long time...
Just got back from New York and Camp. So much has happened, it's really impossible for me to explain plus what happens at camp stays at camp. It's always been that way. Well this year was my and two of my friends last year there. I cried so much. God I'm missing everyone already.
Moving on, not much gossip aside from the usual camp drama of he likes her, she likes him. And I'm sitting on my bed procrastination my 100 projects for the next camp which is in Ukraine for 3 weeks. It sucks. I'm going to be spending my trip with a bunch of little girls! Most of them are 13, NO! It isn't suppose to be that way! I wanna see Xenia and DJ! Let's just say the planning really sucks and it's fucking messed up.
I don't know what else to say now, except I'm tired (even though I slept 21 hours yesterday).
Oh and all those people who have viewed my blog while I was gone, THANK YOu! so much. And AozoraYume thanks for following mee!
The sky where we were in New York is so BIG! It's just this vast open thing of sky. So pretty. At night you could see so many stars, no aeroplanes. Darkness you could stare at forever, like magic.
Sometimes I forgot about the sky, for a while it was just there as it always was. Something there that doesn't really matter. Then when we went on our three day hike I looked up god it was so pretty.
Just got back from New York and Camp. So much has happened, it's really impossible for me to explain plus what happens at camp stays at camp. It's always been that way. Well this year was my and two of my friends last year there. I cried so much. God I'm missing everyone already.
Moving on, not much gossip aside from the usual camp drama of he likes her, she likes him. And I'm sitting on my bed procrastination my 100 projects for the next camp which is in Ukraine for 3 weeks. It sucks. I'm going to be spending my trip with a bunch of little girls! Most of them are 13, NO! It isn't suppose to be that way! I wanna see Xenia and DJ! Let's just say the planning really sucks and it's fucking messed up.
I don't know what else to say now, except I'm tired (even though I slept 21 hours yesterday).
Oh and all those people who have viewed my blog while I was gone, THANK YOu! so much. And AozoraYume thanks for following mee!
The sky where we were in New York is so BIG! It's just this vast open thing of sky. So pretty. At night you could see so many stars, no aeroplanes. Darkness you could stare at forever, like magic.
Sometimes I forgot about the sky, for a while it was just there as it always was. Something there that doesn't really matter. Then when we went on our three day hike I looked up god it was so pretty.
Saturday 7 July 2012
if you paint it blue maybe it will become the sky someday
Since for some reason we have not yet left I'm here. Kinda. Multitasking writing with painting. Waiting for everyone else to finish whatever so we can leave. Or we can stay here. Doesn't really matter to me.
Chris #1 never replied. Asshole. Oh well. I guess I won't know what happened for 3 weeks.
Speaking of Chris's Chris #2 hasn't persisted with his usual txts and such. I have been ignoring him for a while now and it's rather nice. But I'll wait till after his senior year to say I'm rid of him for (most of) forever.
The color of the sky: Light eggshell blue. The kid parents paint their firstborn child's room. Creamy. The color that carries the scent of paint and something new. Pale almost invisible clouds seep into the sky, no end or beginning.
Paint.
An new apartment, or an empty house. A vast white canvas carpet spreads over the floor of a window lit room. Scattered jars of paint, anonymous in color. A couple with care, stroke by stroke reconstruct the room. From empty white to the pale blue of the outdoor sky, slivers of which can be seen from where we stand, peeking from afar.
Chris #1 never replied. Asshole. Oh well. I guess I won't know what happened for 3 weeks.
Speaking of Chris's Chris #2 hasn't persisted with his usual txts and such. I have been ignoring him for a while now and it's rather nice. But I'll wait till after his senior year to say I'm rid of him for (most of) forever.
The color of the sky: Light eggshell blue. The kid parents paint their firstborn child's room. Creamy. The color that carries the scent of paint and something new. Pale almost invisible clouds seep into the sky, no end or beginning.
Paint.
An new apartment, or an empty house. A vast white canvas carpet spreads over the floor of a window lit room. Scattered jars of paint, anonymous in color. A couple with care, stroke by stroke reconstruct the room. From empty white to the pale blue of the outdoor sky, slivers of which can be seen from where we stand, peeking from afar.
Now Saturday July 7th 12:48
Today. Less sick. Packed up. Read a lot. Went to the library. Actually let my mom cut my bangs (I wish I did it myself, but too bad). I noticed a lot of details today. Little things. Like remembering the smell of the library, the way the mirror looks in the bathroom, the fact that you can't taste food when you have a cold, the sticky humidity that a swishing skirt can't brush away, the way someone talks when their falling in love, somehow managing a conversation, the frustration of trying to do something but it isn't quite working, the feeling of cold air when you enter the house after a long walk. Just little things. It was...well nice I guess. Different.
Talking to Chris #1 on Fb. Normal conversation that I should have had weeks ago. I miss him, and his normal, no not normal but natural way of flirting and talking and stuff. Soccer, and unusually usual crap. Hey he stopped replying... Fb Jina! Miss her!
Heading out to camp tomorrow 6 am, should get some sleep... 3 guys 17 girls, 2 crazy twenty something year olds running the camp and some premature counsellors. This should turn out great.
Anyways one more post about my week in New York then good-bey internet for 3 weeks! And all other civil life. Haha, too bad. Just as you get use to one thing, life gives you something else. Lemonade!
(actually I might post that later...maybe....)
Talking to Chris #1 on Fb. Normal conversation that I should have had weeks ago. I miss him, and his normal, no not normal but natural way of flirting and talking and stuff. Soccer, and unusually usual crap. Hey he stopped replying... Fb Jina! Miss her!
Heading out to camp tomorrow 6 am, should get some sleep... 3 guys 17 girls, 2 crazy twenty something year olds running the camp and some premature counsellors. This should turn out great.
Anyways one more post about my week in New York then good-bey internet for 3 weeks! And all other civil life. Haha, too bad. Just as you get use to one thing, life gives you something else. Lemonade!
(actually I might post that later...maybe....)
1 week without internet and you have Ninja Pigs flying everywhere
It seems that every time I feel at home and things seem to be better than ever before, suddenly changes are thrust upon me. School ends, summer begins. TOP begins, go to New York. Leave New York, go to camp. Which will continue on to leave camp, come home. Leave home, to go Ukraine. Leave Ukraine, come home. Leave home, go to New York. Leave New York, go to school. On and on. Each time I grow to love the place I'm in. Fall in love with ever aspect of life there (most of them) and step into the rhythmic flow of every day. Create a new world of day dreams, about that one guy (not love but a crush, not even that, a welcomed chance for warmth and happiness).
Well I just came back from my 1 week no internet New York trip. I didn't want to leave at first. Wanted to stay, run around downtown at godforsaken hours, pointing out the cute guys, going on endless walks with Emi like those first 2 weeks of blissful summer. 12 hour car ride, 8 a.m church sermon, 1 perhaps 2 friends to spend the time with, and no internet. Well the 12 hours were annoying as always, but after that things got better.
We arrived to a mouse poop filled house, dirty, unused for the past...well since we last used it in August. After the long job of cleaning most of it we settled down to Pizza and orange juice? Walked over to the neighbours (more Ukrainian people) where I watched a movie and drew pictures with their little girls. Their really cute. Later we stopped by our grandparents house, now inhabited (in the summer) by my grandpa and unmarried uncle. Got home, slept, were woken up to breakfast (for me) of my brothers left over waffles and OJ, and shipped off to Ukrainian 50 year anniversary of the church festival.
At first I was appointed (by some idiot) to help my mother with the money and numbers for food. This person clearly did not know me. I have issues with math, especially math and money put together (if you add time it gets even worse). After a while my job was passed along to someone more potent and I wandered off to find my friends (there were actually 2, both named Olena). It gets confusing a lot. While Olena #1, straight haired one, the one I'd known since the age of 2, worked at the pastry table. Olena #2, curly haired one, one I hadn't gotten to know that well after all those years, and I wandered around the table of vendors spread out in the shade of giant tents. We talked and caught up, foraging a good friendship, or at least rebuilding what we once may have had in a few hours.
Later when we had all re united, we were recruited to help at the children's station. Making bubbles and goofing off was our first task, which we took to well. We then split up the jobs Olena #1 took bubbles, Olena #2 took tattoos and I too face painting. Slowly kids under the age of 6 lined up to have their faces reformed. Dragons, fire, princesses, flowers, butterflies you name it. One kid gave me a hell of a hard time, please tell me if you have actually hear of this and your over the age of 6, Ninja Pig. Ok. Pig dressed as a ninja, simple right? NO. It took me 30 minutes. Him explaining, me drawing, protests, questions, erasing, re-drawing, nope wrong again, grandmother complaining, finally managing something of similar complexion and finally finishing. But really, WTF is a frigging Ninja Pig?
Afterwards girls and butterflies went much better. I also painted my friends face. A giant blue butterfly with golden laced wings filled up her face. Not too bad for a set of crayons and an armature.
Bonfire, played soccer with well everyone. Got home and slept, only to be awoken at the painful hour of 9ish to be sentence to our very favorite place (not), church on a 100 degree sunday. Oh there was much rejoicing.
Well I just came back from my 1 week no internet New York trip. I didn't want to leave at first. Wanted to stay, run around downtown at godforsaken hours, pointing out the cute guys, going on endless walks with Emi like those first 2 weeks of blissful summer. 12 hour car ride, 8 a.m church sermon, 1 perhaps 2 friends to spend the time with, and no internet. Well the 12 hours were annoying as always, but after that things got better.
We arrived to a mouse poop filled house, dirty, unused for the past...well since we last used it in August. After the long job of cleaning most of it we settled down to Pizza and orange juice? Walked over to the neighbours (more Ukrainian people) where I watched a movie and drew pictures with their little girls. Their really cute. Later we stopped by our grandparents house, now inhabited (in the summer) by my grandpa and unmarried uncle. Got home, slept, were woken up to breakfast (for me) of my brothers left over waffles and OJ, and shipped off to Ukrainian 50 year anniversary of the church festival.
At first I was appointed (by some idiot) to help my mother with the money and numbers for food. This person clearly did not know me. I have issues with math, especially math and money put together (if you add time it gets even worse). After a while my job was passed along to someone more potent and I wandered off to find my friends (there were actually 2, both named Olena). It gets confusing a lot. While Olena #1, straight haired one, the one I'd known since the age of 2, worked at the pastry table. Olena #2, curly haired one, one I hadn't gotten to know that well after all those years, and I wandered around the table of vendors spread out in the shade of giant tents. We talked and caught up, foraging a good friendship, or at least rebuilding what we once may have had in a few hours.
Later when we had all re united, we were recruited to help at the children's station. Making bubbles and goofing off was our first task, which we took to well. We then split up the jobs Olena #1 took bubbles, Olena #2 took tattoos and I too face painting. Slowly kids under the age of 6 lined up to have their faces reformed. Dragons, fire, princesses, flowers, butterflies you name it. One kid gave me a hell of a hard time, please tell me if you have actually hear of this and your over the age of 6, Ninja Pig. Ok. Pig dressed as a ninja, simple right? NO. It took me 30 minutes. Him explaining, me drawing, protests, questions, erasing, re-drawing, nope wrong again, grandmother complaining, finally managing something of similar complexion and finally finishing. But really, WTF is a frigging Ninja Pig?
Afterwards girls and butterflies went much better. I also painted my friends face. A giant blue butterfly with golden laced wings filled up her face. Not too bad for a set of crayons and an armature.
Bonfire, played soccer with well everyone. Got home and slept, only to be awoken at the painful hour of 9ish to be sentence to our very favorite place (not), church on a 100 degree sunday. Oh there was much rejoicing.
 |
| Hey look! A Ninja Pig. Ok this kid made it sound so much more impossible and stupid. Haha. It's actually cute! |
Thursday 5 July 2012
Replay
I was so caught up in finals week then with having nothing to do with my life that I forgot to post on the last day of school. Well... it was the last day of school and fated to be interesting. Math and History finals. That day had an odd summery feeling, the feeling that things were coming to a close that math was not so bad (probably because I wouldn't be doing it for 2 months), and that there was something to maybe actually look forward to. You see up to this point in time I was dreading the end of school. The loss of the insane adventures we took part in, whisking away hours drawing or reading, ignoring lectures in history to watch Jess watching me. Now it didn't seem too bad.
Running out of my math class I curled up outside reading something or other (the title escapes me at the moment... maybe it was the Magicians...) waiting for my history final to begin. I got to class early. And disregarding the fact that this was my final I continued to read. Slowly people walked into class. Scanning over their review guides trying to cram everything last minute. That should have been me, I don't think I studied at all. Actually I don't think I studied for any class except math...
Well finally we got underway. Multiple choice was a walk in the park and the matching wasn't bad either. The only thing was that I hadn't looked over the prompts. Nor did I have the 1 page of notes we could use in writing our 6 paragraph essay. They were all so stupid. So I chose the one I though was the least stupid (which was not by much) and wrote. Slowly the class began to empty. Time was slowly running out for us. I'd look up ever once in a while, looking for the right word, replaying a phrase in my mind, and occasionally glancing at Jess or the clock. 40 minutes to go, 8 people left in the class. 35, the number dropped to 5. 15 there were only 4 of us one on their way out, stopping to thank our teacher. I scanned the room. Empty. It was strange, I spent so many hours drawing the contents of this room, all those people whose names, aside from, a few I never bothered to learn. Now they were all gone, all but that punk with the double mohawk and weird style (this guy kinda fits with all it's definitions of punk. look em up!) who probably was slow at scribbling down too many thoughts in his illegible handwriting, me who hadn't studied was smart enough to pass but actually took my time perfecting the bull shit I was writing (I'm also write kinda slowly if I speed up you can't read it anymore) and Jess who was probably high on something, taking his time, actually trying to pass and slow at writing (nah he was probably taking his time, for some reason he always came across to me as organised and if not smart the kind who would study and do his work).
Well it should have been awkward but it wasn't it was just kinda... we were just there. No real purpose to it, just students, no connections just a test. I finished and turned in the test. Stopping briefly to thank my teacher. Heading back to my seat I stalled, slowly packing up my pencils and book I'd left on the floor. Should I wait? I was tempted to, I wanted him to sign my year book. But at that moment standing there it seemed childish, not worth it. I knew I was going to regret it later. I did.
As soon as I got in my moms car I regretted it. I was probably not going to see Jess all summer, next year yes, but what were my chances? My last day ended with irritation at myself that I haven't felt in a while. Oh yeah, Hey I'm in 10th grade now! (Shit only 3 more years of high school.)
Ah so beautifully nostalgic. School can wait till summers over though.
Running out of my math class I curled up outside reading something or other (the title escapes me at the moment... maybe it was the Magicians...) waiting for my history final to begin. I got to class early. And disregarding the fact that this was my final I continued to read. Slowly people walked into class. Scanning over their review guides trying to cram everything last minute. That should have been me, I don't think I studied at all. Actually I don't think I studied for any class except math...
Well finally we got underway. Multiple choice was a walk in the park and the matching wasn't bad either. The only thing was that I hadn't looked over the prompts. Nor did I have the 1 page of notes we could use in writing our 6 paragraph essay. They were all so stupid. So I chose the one I though was the least stupid (which was not by much) and wrote. Slowly the class began to empty. Time was slowly running out for us. I'd look up ever once in a while, looking for the right word, replaying a phrase in my mind, and occasionally glancing at Jess or the clock. 40 minutes to go, 8 people left in the class. 35, the number dropped to 5. 15 there were only 4 of us one on their way out, stopping to thank our teacher. I scanned the room. Empty. It was strange, I spent so many hours drawing the contents of this room, all those people whose names, aside from, a few I never bothered to learn. Now they were all gone, all but that punk with the double mohawk and weird style (this guy kinda fits with all it's definitions of punk. look em up!) who probably was slow at scribbling down too many thoughts in his illegible handwriting, me who hadn't studied was smart enough to pass but actually took my time perfecting the bull shit I was writing (I'm also write kinda slowly if I speed up you can't read it anymore) and Jess who was probably high on something, taking his time, actually trying to pass and slow at writing (nah he was probably taking his time, for some reason he always came across to me as organised and if not smart the kind who would study and do his work).
Well it should have been awkward but it wasn't it was just kinda... we were just there. No real purpose to it, just students, no connections just a test. I finished and turned in the test. Stopping briefly to thank my teacher. Heading back to my seat I stalled, slowly packing up my pencils and book I'd left on the floor. Should I wait? I was tempted to, I wanted him to sign my year book. But at that moment standing there it seemed childish, not worth it. I knew I was going to regret it later. I did.
As soon as I got in my moms car I regretted it. I was probably not going to see Jess all summer, next year yes, but what were my chances? My last day ended with irritation at myself that I haven't felt in a while. Oh yeah, Hey I'm in 10th grade now! (Shit only 3 more years of high school.)
Ah so beautifully nostalgic. School can wait till summers over though.
Foof, gooey tissues
Today my day was, for the most part, spent in bed sick. A mix of a fever and allergies. Cured up in short shorts, under sweat pants and a light top, covered most of the time by a over sized sweat shirt. I was woken at the painful hour of 11 and was told to pack for camp. I leave in 2 days, assuming I feel better (which I probably will by then). Well I got most of the packing done, in short intervals, the rest of the time I read The Weird Sisters and filled the waste basket with gooey tissues.
Can't wait until August when I get to go back to New York. But now I have to look for that stupid pocket knife that is nowhere to be found (probably cause my room is so messy...) and try to clean this mess.
The color of the sky: I can't really tell you, I've been inside all day. But looking out the window now it's another rainy night. Hazy clouds draining the colors of the sunset slowly turn grey then dark blue as it prepares for another night of endless rain and humidity.
Foof - ok so what does this word mean?
my opinion: something along the lines of a marshmallow. Fluffy not substantial. Somehow sarcastic.
Can't wait until August when I get to go back to New York. But now I have to look for that stupid pocket knife that is nowhere to be found (probably cause my room is so messy...) and try to clean this mess.
The color of the sky: I can't really tell you, I've been inside all day. But looking out the window now it's another rainy night. Hazy clouds draining the colors of the sunset slowly turn grey then dark blue as it prepares for another night of endless rain and humidity.
Foof - ok so what does this word mean?
my opinion: something along the lines of a marshmallow. Fluffy not substantial. Somehow sarcastic.
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