I wish it were an ending cause it'd be a happy one

It's a funny thought knowing that you took someones first kiss.

Today was like hell and back all over again. I saw him in the morning, and he looked horrible. Tired, sick, not good at all. We met up for lunch with Christopher, and you could see it on his face how annoyed  he was at something...probably Christopher. Well it was super awkward, and afterwards as I walked him to class we started talking, and he says: "So I think we like each other, and we know that, I mean we've said it quite often recently. So if I'm right we're kinda a thing, but we're just...not together right?" I died. "Yup we're a thing but we're not dating."

We are officially unofficial!

The rest of the day was well pretty wonderful. I skipped 7th hour and sat with Mathew in the practise room, txting Sophia and just talking. 

Rehearsals were great today too, really funny, and stuff. 

After all that we took the bus home. He put his arm around me like he always does. It's just this time for me it was different. I couldn't stop thinking that what if I was wrong, what if I don't like him, why did I do this? That's when I kinda finally fully acknowledged it. I'm getting depressed or something. Cause I haven't been eating, can't sleep, haven't been happy even when he txts me and cuddles with me, shit it's happening all over again. It's been a while though...I just hope it's a minor case and me just recovering from the emotional roller coaster. I should have felt so happy then, but I just didn't and it felt horrible, especially me questioning the fact that I like him. It's like that box deep in my mind where I hid all the horrible things, all the loneliness and depression and it's leaking...He kissed my forehead so many times. And I felt like I should just die of happiness but I didn't feel anything...

And I'm so scared cause I don't want to put him through what I went through cause of his problems. I don't mind, and I've survived, but I dunno what it would do to him...

Well at the end of the second bus ride. After more cuddling and stuff, and him asking me when I would teach him how to kiss, lol. He was getting off...and he leaned down to kiss my cheek and I leaned up to kiss his, and there was that moment of perfect being. Right before what could be the happiest moment is this equilibrium...it's so beautiful. And we kissed.