Well Christoph's got a girlfriend, some girl from some other school. I shouldn't be surprised and I shouldn't be sad. But I just feel depressed. Why?? Did I like him that much, or am I comparing myself to her, or and I regretting this, or feeling sorry for myself, or just being unconfident...I don't know, but I just want to sit here cry and not sleep till I feel better.
I'm doing homework which is something I've been putting off for a while.
Shit. I just can't write about anything. Why am I like this?! It's the tight feeling in my arms, let I'm holding on to something, heavy feeling in my chest, slow quiet breath calm but heartbreakingly painful, smile to hid the pain, wanting the music to just surround me and drown out everything else. I'll try later.
Homework helps, and music, keeps my mind off it, and awake somehow. I'm talking to Nick on fb. I love talking to him.
I still don't want to sleep. I just want to run and listen to Hit The Lights over and over and over.
Emi and Nick came over to make easter eggs. It was fun. The three of us together are so perfect.
I walked Nick home and we talked and life and people. Him and Emi I love so much.
After this thingy, I once again want to work even harder. It's as though it's the only thing that I can do...but it's enough if I just do it.
The color of the sky: As if we were by the ocean, setting sun over rising tides and cool sands. Setting red and orange, the sun a white pearl in clouds of gold dust.
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