Fur elise, breakdown, a story.

I hate my parents. Why do they always have to ruin everything. It's been actually a decent sunday. Now I'm crying. I don't really know why. What if I killed myself. What would happen. Would anyone care.
Hell yeah, kill myself cause I couldn't play the piano. You know it's too easy.  A knife my wrist. Seconds. I could just die. I could no longer care about anything. It hasn't seemed this possible since never. I could, maybe I should. No more Jess, Sophia, Emi, Nick, theatre, drawing, reading, music, no more laughing or tears. Breaking down. Is this normal. I know if I can get to tomorrow, I will be fine. Stubborn, shy, defiant, looking forward, if... Someone, get me some drugs, a party, someone tell me it will be ok. Jess smile, tell me I have swag and shit, and it's ok, it's cool.
Music that always helps. Ok. Fuck all this. My room is a mess, my life at home is a mess, school is so much better. Maybe I should live there.

I bet it's snowing outside.

Romantically apocalyptic. I like that world. It's quiet. It snows. Beautiful white snow. Somehow I don't think I would mind living there. Even with a crazy Captain and some random guys in a radioactive wasteland of our once earth.

Other than this little episode, the day went well. Tutoring. My dad left. The tutor never showed up. I forgot my cell phone so I decided to walk to Trader Joe's and hope that I met my dad on his way to pick me up. It was relaxing, to just walk down a street not really caring about anything.
I played the piano for so long afterwards. Over and over the same piece the same part. Yet my parents still made me play it. So fucking annoying.
Me and Emi went down to the tunnel to graffiti again. The water level had dropped and after a while we noticed the millions of worm like mini centipede's lurking in the mud and puddles of moldy water. It was disgusting. Normally I love bugs, these are my one exception.
We then spent a good hour planning a dream home with our friends, crushes and random people we know all living in one huge house. We began drawing out a floor plan. It was the best thing ever. I really would love to live there for 1 year (at least 1 year). It's such a crazy scenario that it could work out, if we could find a house like that...with a potato closet...

And then my parents made me play the piano again. Again. I'd been playing for at least 2 hours in all. And I was done. I'm quitting after this recital. I am done. Then I can play whatever I want. 30 minutes till tomorrow. I'm fine now. Web comics and music help, I only wish I had chocolate.
Tomorrow I have gym, but we'll probably just play soccer. Yay. I think I'll go buy pudding tomorrow, with my brothers money. And maybe coffee, or tea... Sounds good.
The sharpie writing still hasn't washed off. Oh well.

The color of the sky: An easy going blue. Kind of violet, but mostly blue. Drifting, melting clouds like sea foam, or waves. And bigger clouds, like monuments, giant stone walls of off white, yellowing silk. The remains of a lost civilization, it's legacy far off in the distant mountains of clouds on the eastern horizon.

I'm still alive.