I watched as you walked away into the fog...into deaths open arms

It's december...but it's not snowing yet. I want it to snow so bad.

Today it was foggy all day. It was so thick, you couldn't see 2 feet ahead of you. It felt like if you entered it you would get lost and never come back. Walking past Jess today I wondered, are what are you thinking? Do you think we could just walk in and get lost forever? Sitting in class looking out the window it was like we were trapped. It was our own bubble, for safety or confinement I couldn't tell.

Maybe I should just stop eating. But that's so hard, my parents would totally notice. It sucks. I exercises, don't eat that much as is, but I still weigh 8 lbs too much(in my opinion the web says I'm fine)! Once winter training starts that should help...but...I JUST WANNA BE SKINNI! As in like 100 lbs...that's unrealistic but I wish. 23 lbs.....despite all the other depressing things this is always one of the worst...siiiiiigh.

I have to get the poster sketches done tonight...I don't wanna do them...I wanna loose weight that's what I want!

I think I'd be fine if I didn't eat at all if I could do that. But with my parent I have to eat....beeeeeeech. This sucks. I wanna read and not eat in New York and taking art lessons while it snows outside assuring me that I'll be able to see Dj on the 25th. Why can't life be perfect?!

The color of the sky: Death. White like you've never seen it. Enveloping, embracing you, pulling you into it's cold chilled bony arms. Wrapping you in it's cloak of white. And as you dissolve into the mist all you can see is that color, white, like endless falling snow suffocating you. Creeping into your mouth as the air you breathe and slowly painlessly taking away your breath in a puff of white smoke. Our last breath becomes the fog. Death, that's what I told you.