I fell asleep with the beginnings of a party hangover.
Recently I haven't been thinking as much, I haven't questioned everything. It feels kinda stupid and irrational to do so now. I still come up with 1000 scenarios of one action, and random impossible things that could but don't happen. I wonder if that's how normal people think, focus only on whats in front of them. Listening to the music instead of drifting off into entirely different worlds. That seems boring, I think I'll try to slip out of this angst hangover of mine. I don't want to be like everyone else. Or am I already?
I was in the car to school today and I though of my friend who told me that he once walked on a rainbow. I believed him back then, I was 5. Why does it seem so real and possible almost in the strangest way.
I was reading the Magicians, again. I first read it 2 years ago in 7th grade when I really shouldn't have (That was the year I switched from teen novels to adult books that were so wonderful and hopeless and I didn't understand but wanted to). The graduation and Fogg's talk really stuck out this time. I dunno why, maybe cause I could somehow relate and take something from that. But I can't do magic, maybe I am just the slightest from normal. But trust me I still believe, always will and I am never growing up completely.
I discovered a great new song. Dear Jack, by Jack's Mannequin. It's really really good. I've been listening to it all day.
I need to write everything down fast, before tomorrow comes at last. It rhymes...
School was annoying, and my hair was a mess. Not that I really need to bother with my hair and clothes, because there is no one there to impress or that I have a fondness for in anyway.
I was wondering...even though I don't like Chris, he's annoying, childish, selfish, a complete and utter idiot and when I say these things I don't mean them like I'm trying to pretend I don't like him but I do. I really...dislike his character. But when he hugs me it makes me really happy, and loved (even if he doesn't like me it's warm and comforting and makes me happy. OK). No one else does that or bothers really... But I like Jess... This is getting complicated.
What is love? Just wondering.
The last time I said it...I didn't understand. And I know I don't understand, because that's just not right (it's just my version) but then what is it actually? Is it even possible?
Another show tonight. My outfit was really cute. Wavy hair braided partially back, held back with a grey silky ribbon. A white v-neck top, and grey kinda brownish cardigan sweater. A pinkish frilly skirt, white tights and fuzz brown boots. Everyone said I looked really cute.
The show went well or so I hear, I spent it drawing and half asleep in the ticket booth. Also drinking Dr.Pepper. Emi came.
Afterwards we all went out to Denny's! It was so fun. I met another guy named Chris. He is weird too. Not as weird as the other one. He made one super long straw and tried to drink stuff out of it, and make spitballs shoot out, not that it worked very well. He told me to friend him on facebook. There were eating contests and lots of Pancake Puppies. So good! I ate too many, so much for my diet...
Emi's mom took me home. I had a lot of fun.
I'm trying to remember what else I had to say, but the words aren't coming back. I remember something but I'm drawing a blank. Maybe I'll remember some other time...
I wonder what the song Dear Jack actually means, you could interpret it so many ways I guess...
Today I was out of my usually dead end tired sleeping through life/class phase. I was tired but awake. Getting better!
Starting monday things are going to be weird, tech week is done and it's gonna be monday. Chris, Jess, Mouse, Sophia, 7th block, math, mile run, nothing weird, just school and messed up life.
The color of the sky: There was no sky today. The empty void was filled with the surface of another planet. Rough rocky terrain, liquid desserts, frozen dunes and murky bogs. All an alien grey white, mixed with dimmed florescent colors that could be classified as a very dimmed purple.
The night sky was gorgeous again. No clouds, stars that sparkled and a cheshire moon. Cold and perfect for screaming at the top of your lungs.
No comments:
Post a Comment