All I want is to sit in my bathroom with time and glitter

Is it dumb that I can just say I don't like you anymore after all the things I put myself through while trying to like Chris. Does that even make sense? You know I probably would say yes if he asked me after Christmas break. Is that really stupid?

I forgot this about yesterday. At the orthodontists there was this lady who sometimes does my braces. Well she is gorgeous and I don't understand why she has that job. Smooth oval face, perfectly arched black eye brows, pretty dark eyes, and almost black brown hair. But she frikking scares me! She seems like she'd be nice but there is something about her...Last time she totally didn't give a crap about me. This time she seemed really irritated, bossy and looked like she was enjoying causing me pain. Near the end she kinda let up and wasn't as harsh about stuff. But I swear she is there to torture children. It's her secret obsession or something.

Have you ever had to reject someone? I hate it. It leaves me feeling totally disgusting. Like I can't wash away the feeling of how totally horrible I am. Like Lady Macbeth. I can't get rid of this dirt, that's on me now. This sad hole, weighing down inside.
People say it has pros. That you should feel more free with out this choice. And that you have the freedom to choose so it isn't that bad. But it is! Also people say I'm lucky. Because I can do this. It means I'm pretty, people love me, and I have options. I don't need to say yes because someone else will come along shortly. Well that's nice and dandy but it sucks! Cause more likely than not I'll have to turn them down too! It's just so ehblehshhh bleh.

I've been on Pinterest a lot. It's entertaining and gives me something to do. Also it really makes me want to buy make up and experiment with color and clothing. Which then makes me want to do specific photo shoots which Emi and I don't have the money of technology for.

I found the phone thing mouse that I got from my cousins in Ukraine. I lost it sometime in september. Well I found it on a guys back pack. He has 2 classes with me. And I just sat there for the longest time looking at that mouse on that grey and black back pack. I should have felt happy that it found a nice new home. But a feeling of slight sadness and guilt was there. I wanted to be happy, yet I couldn't...It was just a moment where there was no feeling. I just hope that mouse has a good life with who ever finds it next...

The color of the sky: A clear but grey sky. Like you could see through it. A glass ornament on a tree. Inside sparkles of clouds gilded with snow. I didn't snow though. It would have been nice.

Chris has a habit of winking at me every time he sees me. I'm not sure if this is some reflex, a habit, or something he actually thinks about. It makes me laugh.