I didn't get in. No part. It's so hard to write this... When Dan called me, as he went through the list I could feel my heart beating louder the steady thump, thump grew louder and suddenly I knew that I wasn't gonna be on that list. I wanted to cry. But you can't cry about everything can you?
It sucks that I'm not gonna be there tomorrow. Then again maybe it's a good thing, I won't start crying in the middle of class or something. 12 hours on a bus doesn't seem so bad at all now. I'll just txt people, do my homework and read.
I can't get away in this school. There are places to hide but they can be so hard to reach. And most are outside. It doesn't help when you're wearing short sleeves. I kept running into people it was horrible. I just wanted to get away from it all. But you can't! There's too many people here!
Ivanovich came back! I literally screamed when I saw him, and freaked out, scaring everyone else in the process. We passed notes all of class it was nice to talk to him again. Emily was comparing Chris to a blank piece of paper. Her thoughts: he's empty, and boring.
Me: You can fill the piece of paper and white is a pretty color. It's like snow.
Her: Snow it's just pretty, other than that it's cold, numbing, and it doesn't last.
Me: Snow is pretty, it's simple and it's pure. All of these things are just like him. Like snow.
Then out teacher yelled at us to be quiet.
The color of the sky: Crisp, and clear, tinted with grey. Forecasting cold.
I miss you.
I wish I had seen Chris today. Or Jess. So that I had something recent, happy to hold on to, but reaching out into todays memories there's only empty air to hold on to. Holes in your heart are hard to fill and you can never truly fix them. But time is merciless and keeps moving, you either get up and catch up or your left behind, and it become much harder. So when you fall in love remember there is more to life than love. If you've lost everything else there is always the adventure leading to love...
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