burnt out candles

Why didn't I publish this...? Dunno. Well here's halloween. October 31st.

It's strange to think that people my age, people I know have had sex with each other. While here I am wishing that I could, while not even having a boyfriend.

Trick or Treat, but before that I went to theatre. Michelle and I sat in the shop for 2 & half hours painting signs and waiting for the paint to dry so that we could paint more. We discussed love, Chris, her crushes, her book which has just been released on Amazon, our futures, people, personalities, jobs and such. It was simple and relaxing like a cup of tea. And we talked about the Mexican food that was for dinner. It was really good!!!!!

Then Emi, Elaina and I went Trick or Treating. At first it felt like an awkward memory or a distant dream, like something was off, not right. It was fun, and I got to know Elaina. But now I have a bunch of candy. I'm gonna get fat.

Back to yesterdays lunch. Do I really need people. I love the attention I get and the love people give me but is it really necessary all those people. I could spend Christmas eve alone, standing on the streets of our town hearing the bells toll away the hours past midnight. The only sign of light are the yellow sepia street lamps that light the empty streets and Christmas lights. Just stand there in the middle of the street watching the snow fall on an undisturbed scene. A moment that seems to last forever. Does that mean that I'm anti social or just out there. But some company would be nice, quiet peaceful undisrupting company that I can sit with read, and drink tea.

I FOUND IT!!!! Danish music! Rasmus Seebach. I found more of his music. I really fell in love with Glad Igen. Well I haven't listened to it for a while, but I looked him up just now and there so much music! Horray for Danish pop.

The color of the sky: A chilling grey, wind swept and carried away from it's cold native lands. It carried waves of doubt instead of rain, clouds of indignation instead of condensates ocean water, storms of emotion instead of lightning and lonely songs instead of thunder.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone else notices the color of the sky.

Walking under the arch like every day in a desperate attempt to find him, a chance conversation that could come to pass, was my luck in a gracious mood. Today fate presented two paths I could have said hi, but in that moment the weight of rejection or false sincerity before more false characters was unappealing and not wanting to break the cadence of the music blasting in my ears morphing the voices around me beyond any recognition. As I walked alone towards the school doors I could hear someone screaming my name trying to break the barrier of the music or maybe it was just my imagination protruding into reality loud enough that only I could hear it. Wither way I didn't turn. Slow steps altered so that the echo of my heels was deliberate. Like a movie scene when the soundtrack has died down to a simple piano melody. The cool breeze followed me after the doors had long closed behind me.