seven tardies, seven classes

I wanted to write so bad. But the internets been down, actually I think my parents cut me off.

Life seriously sucks right now. I’m so sick of people and their expectations of me. It really bugs me. It’s like I can’t be alone with myself and my thoughts. 

I skipped first hour today which wasn’t bad at all. But there were people in the woods and they were distracting and kinda scary. I never saw them but I could hear them. The drunken stupor of clamoring footsteps scattered, thrashing on the dead leaves. I don’t mind drugs since I know so many addicts but sometimes things like that are a painful reminder of the terror and faint disgust in the practice. 

I made it back to class in time to take the test. Bluffing my way across the threshold. The rest of the day kinda sucked to. I just wanted to disappear. Hide in the back of a theatre and watch the motion picture in blissful silence and darkness. Or sit in a cafe with a reasonable snack or beverage and watch people. Better yet why can’t I just go to New York, take art lessons and talk to Dj. 

I barley ate today since the vending machines, all 4 of them, don’t take 5 dollar bills. 

And again I wasn’t sure wether I wanted to throw up or eat.

I went to theatre today. It sucked. I really can’t stand it. I was in the shop and I couldn’t 

think. I did the same thing four time over before I got it right. I slipped and tripped multiple times. By the end of it I was close to saying I just want to kill myself. I’m just so sick of people and the pressure and all those things I “have” to do. 

When I got home my parents started yelling about my grades how they’d dropped and things weren’t going well. 

“What’s the matter. Is there something wrong at school or with you?”

Probably think I’m doing drugs or something. Well I’m not. And surprisingly I haven’t started cutting. Actually I don’t want to do that...I just want to run away. Away from This. 

I still haven’t eaten and I’m really hungry but at the same time I don’t want to. There’s a bug crawling all over my computer and homework. I like it. I hope it doesn’t die. That’d be sad.

The color of the sky: Bleak grey sky. Cold. Without resolution. I don’t think it was perfect for any occasion. 

I wish I could just leave it all behind. I wish it would hurry up and get to Christmas. I’m so scared that we won’t make it...we won’t see each other...that my life’s going to go to ashes. I just want to go to New York and see him.