While the weekend was great today wasn't the best.
First hour was...a realisation of my irrational fear all over again. Hurting other people, and other people liking me and me not liking them but scared to hurt them. Seffan a freshman in my history class kinda asked me out today. Thursday he was kinda joking about it. But today it all come out. We were passing notes and he asked me about the guy I like and how he likes me and stuff. We actually have the same birth day. And honestly it kinda feels like fate. But I just met him and with the weekend and all this stuff I don't know if I could. I don't like him like that...
When I was at Dj's I think I realised that I kinda maybe like him, again. I just keep thinking about Stairway to Heaven, and all those little things that we've done. Wonder why he even noticed me in the first place, and if it isn't really wishful thinking or a hazed up drunken dream we went through that night. Cause several times I probably would have left cause I was worried that I would get caught and he said don't leave. Maybe I'm hallucinating things again about peoples feelings. Another thing that I noticed today was when I saw Chris that I wasn't worried about anything. And walking away I didn't feel like there was anything I needed to say. This it the time when we start looking forward again.
I don't even remember the rest I was so tired when I got home. I know I slept through a few classes. Dressed in black leggings, my green new york sweatshirt that fits me too perfectly and carries Dj's awkward swag, boots, and my messy wavy hair down. I dreamt of him while asleep. I like good dreams.
Also with letting go again. I've found that sense of freedom that I got in 8th grade after dumping Nick. That it's my choice, and you gain your own freedom. Awkward situations really are perfect for conversations aren't they. And that's how I want to live.
The color of the sky: A tower of gold we were driving towards it. All around us darkening black clouds loomed in. Making the sun set more prominent. Like the light reflected of golden leaves sprinkled with autumn rain.
I change my mind to often. My element is the sky, according to horoscopes and online smut, like the color of the sky, always changing color to accommodate the people and myself. That's just me I guess.
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