Another day another destiny...
French and Math finals. I suppose it all went ok until my dad started yelling about french and then I started crying over life. And once I start crying it can be pretty hard to stop. Cause one depressing thing leads to another and it's just a chain reaction! It sucks! But I managed to get most of it out of my system.
The problem is I don't want to play high school soccer, and on my way to dropping my french stuff off I saw them training. It was horrible. I didn't want to leave the car. It just felt wrong. I'm probably, most likely, almost 100% sure that I will not be playing high school soccer, cause of theatre. But I've told everyone and everyone just automatically expects me to play cause I'm good. I know people kinda tell you that to be nice, but I am...and that makes me feel like I owe them something, like their depending on me being there. And by god I just don't want to deal with it! I want to do it by myself, loose weight and everything else. I'm not sure if you'll see what I'm trying to say. I've been doing it with almost everything else. Pushing people away and doing it on my own. I know it's not entirely right or fair but I feel like I really am closing doors and betting my life on art, New York, dreams that have nothing to back them, no money, no connections, nothing but dreams....and I know that if I want to reach these places I'm gonna have to do it on my own, it's a road though desolate fields of wheat, where the only road is a rough one full of mud and hills and mountains and it's my journey to take.
My Week With Marilyn. Very good movie. I really liked it. She is so beautiful!
The Red Baron. Another very good movie. I love period pieces. He's also really really attractive. Why was I born in this period.......I wanna fly a WW1 fighter plane! Oh why now?!
Theatre was fun. Rid me of all that stress. So I think I have a crush on Matt. I mean he's fairly good looking, and funny when he wants to be, but serious. Oh so serious. But he's cool, I like his car. Maybe I could get to actually know him before he leaves. Cause he is a senior. I hope this doesn't get out of hand, like Jess and stuff. Please just a crush that I can get over or something. Cause the best things come, when you least expect them.
The color of the sky: A pearly white, laced with light fluffy clouds sewn on by golden thread. The binding of a fairy tale book. The script of a happy ending. Something magical. Beautiful.
Inspired, depressed, wondering. Walking down the street, red sneakers on white snow. Cold, but alive. Sometimes I wonder wether it is better to feel like your dying than to feel dead. At least you know that your alive.
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