Went downtown with Emi today. We ran and finally! finally caught the bus on time. Driving past Bushes we saw, none other than the soccer team and Chris. Which turned out to be a theme through our day. Downtown we went shopping! Store to store, vintage stores, urban outfitters, tiny little places under apartments, bigger but still classy vintage stores, a store where everything is under 15$. We bought keys, a heart shaped padlock, and a sweatshirt that we're gonna share. Also frozen yogurt. It was a lot of fun.
The bus ride back was a different story. We got on a bus that said 2A. The exact same one that took us downtown in the first place. It took us all the way around the city to the next town over and back downtown! We had no clue where we were going. "I bet the 2 turned into the 5 bus." Emi said. We asked the driver once we got to Mejiers and she said, "I was the 2 but I turned into the 5... (evil laugh, no I wish)". It was really weird. But we got home fine.
Soccer game. We finally tied! We never win, that's cause we get crappy refs and teams that push a lot.
While we were downtown Sophia txts me and says, I just saw Chris. I pulled up and said, "Hey Chris, I know a lot about you but you don't know me (Mouse last year, May)," and apparently he said, "hey cutie!" I was laughing. I'm so happy though, this give me a reason to talk to him!!!!! Big sis I love you!
Everyone thinks my hat is cute! Yay!
The color of the sky: Sinking lower and lower but the colors were still shinning. Everything the sun touched turned a deep gold color. A thick coat of solid gold dusted the trees in front of us. The sky was covered in dark pupleing clouds that told of fall days we would soon be spending; in front of the fire, with warm hats and scarves pulled around us, running through leaves, tasting cider and pie, and the chill on the tips of our noses when we laugh with our friends, wasting the dwindling light.
The padlock I got, I think it's lucky.
Sunday 30 September 2012
Saturday 29 September 2012
And what if I didn't actually need you...then what?
Soooo tired, so this is gonna be short.
I'm still on my "I hate people, but they are beautiful" phase. People are annoying. You'd think they're one way but they have a completely different mentality. They seems so nice but they're not! So superficial. I know I'm like that too and it sucks, but it still amazes me all the time.
Watched Milo and Otis with my family. It's so cute, and old. Funny that I use to watch it all the time when I was younger.
Yesterday Michelle told me about the song Classified by Breathe Carolina. She told me that it reminded her of Chris and said he's an asshole forget him and go for Mathew. Well I listened to it, and I can't stop listening to it now... but it's such a simple true song. It's about us. Him being an asshole, me being a stupid flirty high school girl, everyone getting their hearts broken.
Michelle also said that Chris always said things that were stupid that hurt so bad. Looking back I don't remember anything but the cute teasing and flirting. He would ignore me but nothing more than that... I miss him. I don't want to hurt Mathew if it comes to that (if Michelle sets her mind to it this is gonna happen). Bad fucking timing. This is like Jess. Can't get you out of my mind...
The color of the sky: Like the cold ice breaking away from the mainland of greenland. Alien but still beautiful. Magical, the way the cold snow warms you. While the sky rains endless frozen tears from lacy light blue pupils we pretend to laugh.
I'm still on my "I hate people, but they are beautiful" phase. People are annoying. You'd think they're one way but they have a completely different mentality. They seems so nice but they're not! So superficial. I know I'm like that too and it sucks, but it still amazes me all the time.
Watched Milo and Otis with my family. It's so cute, and old. Funny that I use to watch it all the time when I was younger.
Yesterday Michelle told me about the song Classified by Breathe Carolina. She told me that it reminded her of Chris and said he's an asshole forget him and go for Mathew. Well I listened to it, and I can't stop listening to it now... but it's such a simple true song. It's about us. Him being an asshole, me being a stupid flirty high school girl, everyone getting their hearts broken.
Michelle also said that Chris always said things that were stupid that hurt so bad. Looking back I don't remember anything but the cute teasing and flirting. He would ignore me but nothing more than that... I miss him. I don't want to hurt Mathew if it comes to that (if Michelle sets her mind to it this is gonna happen). Bad fucking timing. This is like Jess. Can't get you out of my mind...
The color of the sky: Like the cold ice breaking away from the mainland of greenland. Alien but still beautiful. Magical, the way the cold snow warms you. While the sky rains endless frozen tears from lacy light blue pupils we pretend to laugh.
Friday 28 September 2012
Cigarettes, knit hats, and Breathe carolina. (Teenage cute punk out of love)
Health, 3rd hour. We went on a "health walk". 5 minutes into it we stopped outside the junior parking lot which is this dirt plot of land with weeds struggling for a breath of air, surrounded by rising dust. There's only a few cars, since it's a walk from school. A dark greenish car sits completely isolated and there's a guy. A junior most likely, thin, with good proportions and short light brown hair. Dark skinny jeans and a maroon-purple shirt. His eyes are covered by shades. He's sitting on top of the car, smoking. The morning light still has this effect of something pure and beautiful. The way he sat there, facing away from us, away from the ruckus of the world, carelessly flicking his cigarette, his wrists loose and at ease having perfected the motion.
Our teacher called the cops. And me and Tommy (some kid from New York, Manhattan. He's cool. Druggie, reminds me of Jessish...) started yelling at him to get out it was great. He finally heard us and left. Totally made my day.
I hate people. But they are just so beautiful and perfect creatures. We have a shitty society and social system but we are just so amazing... the human figure is at least. We can move and shift into such distinct and stunning positions and we don't even notice. The perfect curve of a wrist, or that stray hair, the positions of your legs, the way you tilt your face, the way you touch someone else...
Chris was hugging this girl, and it looked so PRETTY. So I just stood there (hiding) and drew them... goddammittttttt. I hate myself for being an artist sometimes. You find the beautiful things in the saddest and ugliest situations. Masochistic, narcissistic, pain makes for the most beautiful things sometimes...
Board meeting at theatre today. We ordered chinese food, but couldn't find any forks. So Michelle and I went around school on a mission to find forks. Walked into a random open classroom (mind you this building is almost totally empty and it's dark) and started going through the teachers stuff looking for forks. We finally found some! Then it turned out there were forks in the bag the whole time.
Everyone now thinks Mathew and I should go out...But I feel like I'd mess up so bad. And I still like Chris even though he is an Asshole. Bad timing again.
The color of the sky: Open, cloudy with white spaced out fluffs like sheep in a field. Or snow settling on water. Clear baby blue water. But leaving not a ripple.
I lost my homework...can't find it ANYWHERE!
Oh I also found a hat in the stairwell. It was there all day, so after school I took it. It's such a cute hat! It's even got a bow on it!!!! Gonna wear it monday!
Thursday 27 September 2012
you can never set all the clocks right
What - did I say? Bad timing huh. I am never going to get it right. EVER. I've told you about Mathew. I asked him to homecoming but he couldn't go. He is the sweetest, nicest, funniest, really attractive kid who just moved here from South Dakota. I love him so much! As a friend...I think... In theatre we're all one big family (he's in theatre that's how I know him, and it turns out his locker is next to mine) and could I actually like and date someone like that?
My mom was picking me up early so I ran around the shop hugging everyone and waving good-bye. Mathew stops me and we have this totally Romeo Juliette good-bye scene. The funny thing was I was leaving and he was up on a set piece. Well it was really cute and totally hilarious! Finally we hugged and I start heading for the door. He comes running after me yelling, Wait! I need your number. Which turned into another hilarious sequence of events and I walked out laughing so hard.
So...Chris or Mathew (if it ever comes down to this...) I honestly don't know.
Now that I've spent all soccer practise thinking about it I've come to a very logical conclusion. Although Mathew is way nicer and everything I can't really deal with being in relationships with nice people. It's to surreal and it scares me. Life's not meant to be that perfect. I think that's why I dumped Nick (yes we dated in 8th grade). Chris, well that ain't perfection. That is something I feel like I can reach out and touch, it's not "Just a Dream" (Nelly, love that song).
I got to school today and it felt like total deja-vu. I'd been there before. Last year... It was weird...
7th hour was great. The saddest love story and superficiality that is me. Ivanovich is so sweet, I really hope that girl marries him someday!
Theatre was a blast again! LOVE THEM! And tomorrow is friday...is that good or bad?
The color of the sky: Rainy but dreamy color. The kind in a dream. Blurred. Makes you wish you slept in. And woke up in a city apartment, way above the chaos of yellow cabs and rushing people.
My mom was picking me up early so I ran around the shop hugging everyone and waving good-bye. Mathew stops me and we have this totally Romeo Juliette good-bye scene. The funny thing was I was leaving and he was up on a set piece. Well it was really cute and totally hilarious! Finally we hugged and I start heading for the door. He comes running after me yelling, Wait! I need your number. Which turned into another hilarious sequence of events and I walked out laughing so hard.
So...Chris or Mathew (if it ever comes down to this...) I honestly don't know.
Now that I've spent all soccer practise thinking about it I've come to a very logical conclusion. Although Mathew is way nicer and everything I can't really deal with being in relationships with nice people. It's to surreal and it scares me. Life's not meant to be that perfect. I think that's why I dumped Nick (yes we dated in 8th grade). Chris, well that ain't perfection. That is something I feel like I can reach out and touch, it's not "Just a Dream" (Nelly, love that song).
I got to school today and it felt like total deja-vu. I'd been there before. Last year... It was weird...
7th hour was great. The saddest love story and superficiality that is me. Ivanovich is so sweet, I really hope that girl marries him someday!
Theatre was a blast again! LOVE THEM! And tomorrow is friday...is that good or bad?
The color of the sky: Rainy but dreamy color. The kind in a dream. Blurred. Makes you wish you slept in. And woke up in a city apartment, way above the chaos of yellow cabs and rushing people.
Wednesday 26 September 2012
Where do our ends meet? (A red string)
I think I just agreed to an offer to join the superficial insane flow of high school girl life. Michelle dated Chris for 5 months in middle school. And she told me a lot about him and exactly how to get him to ask me out. But it's a long mainstream and suicidal method. With my bad timing we are going to get no where. Oh well. His hair makes him a unicorn now.
Half day. Went downtown with people and ate food. I really want to go shopping downtown.
After we got back from downtown I didn't do anything. I just didn't want to do anything at all, just sit there and talk which is what me Sophie (not Sophia) and Michelle did. While watching the soccer team. Sophie has a boyfriend on the team (varsity) and Michelle likes a senior on the varsity team. That was fun and relaxing.
Still listening to The A Team.
I really want to paint something big. But I have no ideas, what-so-ever...
The color of the sky: The color of something light. Or rather, something being lifted off. Light after darker days. Calming but complex. A baby blue with intense depth...
There is something just out of my reach. Something I can't quite put my finger on. Like I can't find the right words...
I have a tab with Chris's follow-a-gram. And I can't stop looking at it, or thinking about him...but...I just don't know...There's a difference between my daydreams and reality...
Half day. Went downtown with people and ate food. I really want to go shopping downtown.
After we got back from downtown I didn't do anything. I just didn't want to do anything at all, just sit there and talk which is what me Sophie (not Sophia) and Michelle did. While watching the soccer team. Sophie has a boyfriend on the team (varsity) and Michelle likes a senior on the varsity team. That was fun and relaxing.
Still listening to The A Team.
I really want to paint something big. But I have no ideas, what-so-ever...
The color of the sky: The color of something light. Or rather, something being lifted off. Light after darker days. Calming but complex. A baby blue with intense depth...
There is something just out of my reach. Something I can't quite put my finger on. Like I can't find the right words...
I have a tab with Chris's follow-a-gram. And I can't stop looking at it, or thinking about him...but...I just don't know...There's a difference between my daydreams and reality...
White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes
Burnt lungs, sour taste
Light's gone, day's end
Struggling to pay rent
Long nights, strange men
Tuesday 25 September 2012
notes on love, by beautiful and the onlyone
I'm not really sure what to write... Today's been kind of a blur of walking through the past, laughing, chocolate, being happy, being sad, talking about teenage love, being beautiful, doing nothing, singing, listening, not smiling, just everything all combined into one day. It was weird.
Woke up this morning feeling totally dead. Had my mom drive me to school. Got home and have been listening to The A Team over and over again. It has a connection to me somehow. I don't relate to it or know what it means, it just is. Somehow.
 |
| Reminds me of her. #great #song... |
Walking through the empty stairwells. The acoustics there are great. I sing there. When there's no one else there to hear me.
The color of the sky: A dusty blue grey. Smelled of fall and rain, of something I can't put my finger on. Perfume, or the smell of someone I once knew. You leave a grey building into a grey world...it felt almost like snow...
Remember: Smile (I use to write this on my wrist to remember to smile at him) & talk to Chris.
Monday 24 September 2012
I never said normal, I just said please.
CHRIS YOU ARE AN IDIOT. STOP IGNORING ME!
I yelled the while walking out of school with Meredith. We have walked past each other so many times and never said a word. We've looked at each other, we know the other one is there but we say nothing.
Also he got a hair cut and it looks funny (but still cute).
I'm studying for tests right now, but all I want to do is sleep. I am so tired...
Emi dyed her hair "brown" it turned out blue and purple and it looks amazing! I kinda want to dye my hair blond or something like that...but I dunno...
I am addicted to string cheese. I eat it all the time now. Along with my lemonade. I drink about 1 liter per day (if there is any...).
It's been getting darker and colder every morning. Winter's coming. I've also been planning my trip to Australia! Maybe I can convince my parents!
School sucks. Half day wednesday. I really wish Chris likes me. I'm sick of people Chris 2, Roman (maybe, kid from camp), Katie and whoever else liking me. Can I please just like someone and have a fikking normal relationship? No just kidding, not normal nothing I do is normal, but that's ok.
The color of the sky: Honest, innocent, bright with the life or death of fall. A "Mail" on the mac type of color. Slightly pixelated. But perfumed with the thin smell of fall, that passes with the wind.
I yelled the while walking out of school with Meredith. We have walked past each other so many times and never said a word. We've looked at each other, we know the other one is there but we say nothing.
Also he got a hair cut and it looks funny (but still cute).
I'm studying for tests right now, but all I want to do is sleep. I am so tired...
Emi dyed her hair "brown" it turned out blue and purple and it looks amazing! I kinda want to dye my hair blond or something like that...but I dunno...
I am addicted to string cheese. I eat it all the time now. Along with my lemonade. I drink about 1 liter per day (if there is any...).
It's been getting darker and colder every morning. Winter's coming. I've also been planning my trip to Australia! Maybe I can convince my parents!
School sucks. Half day wednesday. I really wish Chris likes me. I'm sick of people Chris 2, Roman (maybe, kid from camp), Katie and whoever else liking me. Can I please just like someone and have a fikking normal relationship? No just kidding, not normal nothing I do is normal, but that's ok.
The color of the sky: Honest, innocent, bright with the life or death of fall. A "Mail" on the mac type of color. Slightly pixelated. But perfumed with the thin smell of fall, that passes with the wind.
Sunday 23 September 2012
Always All Ways (Apologies, Glances & Messed Up Chances) Last year...and we're making the same mistakes all over again.
The goldfish bowl week is over...
I woke up this morning feeling different. I don't know why. Maybe it's just letting go of all that tension of this week. Or maybe I'm just not use to waking up with blue nails.
Homework all day and a soccer game. During which I got really depressed. I just felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything by playing. And that I sucked, and it wasn't worth me playing, and all this other stuff. It sucked. I got over it after a while. I love running. But I just can't run without a purpose, and I love soccer. I'll stick with it, at least one more year.
I've been avoiding people on fb. All I want to do is sleep, finish Pretty in Pink, get earmuffs, and drink tea on a cold winter day...
Last night Nuna (she was in my gym class last year) was talking to me about Chris. And she said, I always thought you liked him, but subconsciously like you didn't really know. And he liked you.
It's starting to make sense...ish? I really don't know.
The color of the sky: Two contrasting colors. Black and white. Sunlight glaring on one side the other side threatening black clouds ready to strike. Loving life and hating it. And the rainbow in the middle.
I woke up this morning feeling different. I don't know why. Maybe it's just letting go of all that tension of this week. Or maybe I'm just not use to waking up with blue nails.
Homework all day and a soccer game. During which I got really depressed. I just felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything by playing. And that I sucked, and it wasn't worth me playing, and all this other stuff. It sucked. I got over it after a while. I love running. But I just can't run without a purpose, and I love soccer. I'll stick with it, at least one more year.
I've been avoiding people on fb. All I want to do is sleep, finish Pretty in Pink, get earmuffs, and drink tea on a cold winter day...
Last night Nuna (she was in my gym class last year) was talking to me about Chris. And she said, I always thought you liked him, but subconsciously like you didn't really know. And he liked you.
It's starting to make sense...ish? I really don't know.
The color of the sky: Two contrasting colors. Black and white. Sunlight glaring on one side the other side threatening black clouds ready to strike. Loving life and hating it. And the rainbow in the middle.
Saturday 22 September 2012
The goldfish bowl (day 6) part 2 - white shoes
Just got back from homecoming. The goldfish bowl week is technically over now. I survived and got rid (told him I don't like him, and no I will not go out with him) of Chris #2.
I'm actually sitting here eating stringed cheese, staring at my blue nails cause their mesmerising and don't look like my own.
Homecoming sucked. No good music, a few friends, no food, no date. But I looked pretty.
The reason I was there, was because I had a dress and shoes. That's all you really need right?
I talked to God during homecoming. He was there looking as attractive as ever. He laughed when I called him God. I asked him if he could make monday a good day.
He asked, How do I do that? (with his accent!)
I said, Your God. Just do some of that magic stuff and we're set!
Him, Ok! Have a good monday!!!
Me, Thank you!!!!! Yay! It's definitely going to be good now! (And I skipped off looking like a little girl, or a freshman).
Well I'm back now. Back to a day of normal then assured destruction and insanity. Cause apparently Nick told Chris, go to homecoming with her and while you're there go make babies and something more perhaps... (The ongoing joke of "you two will make hot european soccer playing children (all 8)").
I was going to say something... but I forgot. I'm too tired to think now. It's sunday and I have to do homework tomorrow.
I'm actually sitting here eating stringed cheese, staring at my blue nails cause their mesmerising and don't look like my own.
Homecoming sucked. No good music, a few friends, no food, no date. But I looked pretty.
The reason I was there, was because I had a dress and shoes. That's all you really need right?
I talked to God during homecoming. He was there looking as attractive as ever. He laughed when I called him God. I asked him if he could make monday a good day.
He asked, How do I do that? (with his accent!)
I said, Your God. Just do some of that magic stuff and we're set!
Him, Ok! Have a good monday!!!
Me, Thank you!!!!! Yay! It's definitely going to be good now! (And I skipped off looking like a little girl, or a freshman).
Well I'm back now. Back to a day of normal then assured destruction and insanity. Cause apparently Nick told Chris, go to homecoming with her and while you're there go make babies and something more perhaps... (The ongoing joke of "you two will make hot european soccer playing children (all 8)").
I was going to say something... but I forgot. I'm too tired to think now. It's sunday and I have to do homework tomorrow.
The goldfish bowl (day 6) Part 1 - blue nail polish
Sometimes, I think our idea of happiness is over rated. We think the only pleasure we can find is being with someone. What about all the other things. Why are we still stuck in this mindset. Why do we think we have to be pretty, smart, talented, skinny, social, and all those other things to reach happiness. We don't do we. It's just what society expects and it's all so complicated. I mean, I could do without Chris, soccer, pretty clothes and just stick to theatre and no social life. I'd be fine right. But I bother with the other things, try to get a boyfriend, spend my money on clothes and make up. For what? How long do I have to ask before I get an answer? But no matter what, I can't stop now. "We slammed the brakes but the wheels went on..."
Homecoming. is. tonight. In less than 3 hours I will leave my house all dressed up all by myself. It's going to be so weird.
Liking Chris is a problem. It's like Pretty in Pink. He's got a social life, friends that are as self absorbed and arrogant as he is, a bunch of girlfriends who are perfectly normal and wear pretty make up and he's got something special. Maybe it is just the arrogance... Then there's me. No social life, weird friends who are the best in the world, theatre, and quiet. Two ends of the spectrum. A prince and a street performer. Or is it the other way around? How does something like that work out? Honestly I don't think either of us could put up with it for very long. Two different worlds...
The bathroom is almost all white. The towels, the marble counter, the sinks, the rugs, and walls, even the floor is white. I like sitting there, on one of them square carpets and painting my nails. It's so relaxing.
Emi and I spent about an hour trying to curl my hair. It failed! (at first) then we got better at it. It was hilarious though. I definitely had more fun than at homecoming. Then we took weirdly awesome pictures and laughed a lot. It's so hard to describe, it was just that time with your best friend when you do silly things while trying to get ready for something, you just had to be there. I love Emi. I really do have to best friends ever.
Homecoming's next...
Homecoming. is. tonight. In less than 3 hours I will leave my house all dressed up all by myself. It's going to be so weird.
Liking Chris is a problem. It's like Pretty in Pink. He's got a social life, friends that are as self absorbed and arrogant as he is, a bunch of girlfriends who are perfectly normal and wear pretty make up and he's got something special. Maybe it is just the arrogance... Then there's me. No social life, weird friends who are the best in the world, theatre, and quiet. Two ends of the spectrum. A prince and a street performer. Or is it the other way around? How does something like that work out? Honestly I don't think either of us could put up with it for very long. Two different worlds...
The bathroom is almost all white. The towels, the marble counter, the sinks, the rugs, and walls, even the floor is white. I like sitting there, on one of them square carpets and painting my nails. It's so relaxing.
Emi and I spent about an hour trying to curl my hair. It failed! (at first) then we got better at it. It was hilarious though. I definitely had more fun than at homecoming. Then we took weirdly awesome pictures and laughed a lot. It's so hard to describe, it was just that time with your best friend when you do silly things while trying to get ready for something, you just had to be there. I love Emi. I really do have to best friends ever.
Homecoming's next...
Friday 21 September 2012
The goldfish bows (day 5) Nothing more to say
Today was the pep rally. I skipped. Nick, Moya, Ari and I ran out of class and went to the park across the road. We got ice cream in this little cafe and gossiped for a while. Then we went to the tire swing. I haven't done that in ages! It was hallariously insanely funny. Afterwards we sat on a slide in awkward positions, laying on top of eachother and talking. I ended up being late for my last class.
Michelle asked Chris to homecoming for me. He told her he wasn't going. Well that sucks. Really I wanted it to be something special. A dress, shoes, bag, makeup, what's all that if you don't end up with a good memory?
But she also told him to ask me about something...So monday is going to be fun huh.
I met Emi's grandma! She's cool.
I wish tomorrow was friday. Then I could sort things out and life could be more fun (this week was just a downer). I kinda wish I had Chris's number. But then I couldn't really txt him since I only have 300 txts for the next 2 weeks.
The color of the sky: Stormy morning blue dwindling down to a pale peach color. A bubble bath, with white roses and blue salts.
Red shoes didn't help today.
Michelle asked Chris to homecoming for me. He told her he wasn't going. Well that sucks. Really I wanted it to be something special. A dress, shoes, bag, makeup, what's all that if you don't end up with a good memory?
But she also told him to ask me about something...So monday is going to be fun huh.
I met Emi's grandma! She's cool.
I wish tomorrow was friday. Then I could sort things out and life could be more fun (this week was just a downer). I kinda wish I had Chris's number. But then I couldn't really txt him since I only have 300 txts for the next 2 weeks.
The color of the sky: Stormy morning blue dwindling down to a pale peach color. A bubble bath, with white roses and blue salts.
Red shoes didn't help today.
Thursday 20 September 2012
The goldfish bowl (day 4) we live for the moment and disregard health class
Dear God: Plz Let homecoming work out somehow ~Sky
THE END: sept. 17- sept 22 (12:00)
~Thank You
I think God answered my prayers. Thank you Christoff (God's REAL name).
Emi's sick, but she's gonna come see me off to homecoming. I am going. With no one at the time being.
But there is a chance I might go with Chris:
Michelle and I were waiting for Nick to finish his game. Standing in around the entrance to the fields, a red balloon I stole from the makeup room drifting in the wind. Nick come and we continue to stand there talking and waiting for our rides. Chris finally comes out, all smiles, since they won 7-0 and Nick scored. You go man (he has my respect till homecoming and then he looses it). Chris gets in his car and Nick yells, "Ask her to homecoming!"
Chris: Nick wanna go to homecoming with me?!
Nick: No! HER you idiot.
Michelle: GO WITH HER TO HOMECOMING. ASK. Now!
He looked really confused then his mom drove away. That's when we made the bet. Michelle suggested it. I kiss her if she can get Chris to ask me to homecoming.
Emi's still concerned with Chris and the whole Kelsey thing (see yesterday). And I feel really bad for making her worry a second time. First with Jess, now with Chris. Drugs and sex, oh the things they tell us not to do in health class.
Theatre is becoming more and more of a home and family. I can't seem to leave anymore. I just want to spend all my time there. I also made a new freshman friend, Meredith.
It rained this morning on my way to school. It just started to rain.
The color of the sky: Dark, but you know morning is coming soon. It's cold, but you have hope that the sun will come. It has to. At the same time though, it feels like your stuck in the cold, harsh grey reality. Hidden behind caked on make up and lip gloss, a straight back and high heels. Honestly the world looked greyer the sky darker with hollow clouds. Then rain, paints the world, a watercolor washing clean the lenses covered in doubt and opening your eyes to life at the edge of the world.
Chris: Nick wanna go to homecoming with me?!
Nick: No! HER you idiot.
Michelle: GO WITH HER TO HOMECOMING. ASK. Now!
He looked really confused then his mom drove away. That's when we made the bet. Michelle suggested it. I kiss her if she can get Chris to ask me to homecoming.
Emi's still concerned with Chris and the whole Kelsey thing (see yesterday). And I feel really bad for making her worry a second time. First with Jess, now with Chris. Drugs and sex, oh the things they tell us not to do in health class.
Theatre is becoming more and more of a home and family. I can't seem to leave anymore. I just want to spend all my time there. I also made a new freshman friend, Meredith.
It rained this morning on my way to school. It just started to rain.
The color of the sky: Dark, but you know morning is coming soon. It's cold, but you have hope that the sun will come. It has to. At the same time though, it feels like your stuck in the cold, harsh grey reality. Hidden behind caked on make up and lip gloss, a straight back and high heels. Honestly the world looked greyer the sky darker with hollow clouds. Then rain, paints the world, a watercolor washing clean the lenses covered in doubt and opening your eyes to life at the edge of the world.
Wednesday 19 September 2012
The goldfish bowl (day 3) a light at the far end of the tunnel
Toady, I met God. He's tall and skinny, and he has abs. Short hair that's been neatly cut, a defined thin face, coco bean chocolate eyes that question and an Austrian accent. Attractive by any girls standards. He actually looks like the God (if there is one) I'd imagined or at least drawn multiple times... And I asked him, If you're God, why do I have bad timing, why is my love life so messed up, and why is my life so insane? His response was, "Why do I care? There are so many people, why do I need to bother with them?"
This oddly made sense. The God I draw did seem like a cold, self absorbed guy, but with his own hidden morals and ideas for the world.
Our God is actually a guy from Austria who is really attractive and nice so we started calling him that. God welcome to the family of the Theatre!
Our theatre family is amazing. Cause it's like a real family. It's a second home to all of us and a huge part of our lives. Sure we complain and joke about it but it's true. I'm so glad I joined theatre last year.
Home coming News:
Emi is coming back on time! I DON'T HAVE TO GO! Maybe. Now we're thinking of going downtown and to see a movie. I've been avoiding the subject at all costs and I think things may turn out alright in the end. Then again I didn't get to talk to Ivanovich or Mattew...
Apparently Chris broke up with Kelsey!!!! Oh my god! Wanna know why? Cause she wouldn't fuck him.
Now all my theatre friends want me to go with him despite the fact that he's "an arrogant, bitch who plays soccer and just wants to fuck someone." Oh Michelle I love you.
Chris #2 Updated!:
"well know this the first day i saw u i saw a person who was confident and trustworthy she was beautiful and smart and fun to be around
A new character: A 25 (or thereabouts) year old who plays the piano. He's a genius but he plays only for himself. He's a messy, anti-social (he has friends though that fall into their own sort of category of music geeks, musicians, and a mathematician) kind of guy who lives in t-shirts, sweatpants and boxers. Tall, unsaved, hair that is past it's cutting due date, sleepy eyed. Not the most attractive man, but there's something about his dishevelness that's charming as if he's hiding a beautiful piece of music under the strict advanced concerto's he plays for fun and posts on youtube.
The color of the sky: The edge of the world. It falls off into an abyss of light pink, peach, tea orange, mango pudding, corsage white and all the other sweet but pretty things.
There is a house at the edge of the world. Right near the very tip of the cliff. In the door way there are two pairs of shoes, sneakers and sandals...
This oddly made sense. The God I draw did seem like a cold, self absorbed guy, but with his own hidden morals and ideas for the world.
Our God is actually a guy from Austria who is really attractive and nice so we started calling him that. God welcome to the family of the Theatre!
Our theatre family is amazing. Cause it's like a real family. It's a second home to all of us and a huge part of our lives. Sure we complain and joke about it but it's true. I'm so glad I joined theatre last year.
Home coming News:
Emi is coming back on time! I DON'T HAVE TO GO! Maybe. Now we're thinking of going downtown and to see a movie. I've been avoiding the subject at all costs and I think things may turn out alright in the end. Then again I didn't get to talk to Ivanovich or Mattew...
Apparently Chris broke up with Kelsey!!!! Oh my god! Wanna know why? Cause she wouldn't fuck him.
Now all my theatre friends want me to go with him despite the fact that he's "an arrogant, bitch who plays soccer and just wants to fuck someone." Oh Michelle I love you.
Chris #2 Updated!:
"well know this the first day i saw u i saw a person who was confident and trustworthy she was beautiful and smart and fun to be around
you listen and then talk not the other way around
and i knew from that point on i wanted to be with you"
This will never end... It's not over till it's over.
A new character: A 25 (or thereabouts) year old who plays the piano. He's a genius but he plays only for himself. He's a messy, anti-social (he has friends though that fall into their own sort of category of music geeks, musicians, and a mathematician) kind of guy who lives in t-shirts, sweatpants and boxers. Tall, unsaved, hair that is past it's cutting due date, sleepy eyed. Not the most attractive man, but there's something about his dishevelness that's charming as if he's hiding a beautiful piece of music under the strict advanced concerto's he plays for fun and posts on youtube.
The color of the sky: The edge of the world. It falls off into an abyss of light pink, peach, tea orange, mango pudding, corsage white and all the other sweet but pretty things.
There is a house at the edge of the world. Right near the very tip of the cliff. In the door way there are two pairs of shoes, sneakers and sandals...
Tuesday 18 September 2012
The goldfish bowl (day 2) falling deeper
I do not want to go to home coming anymore. But I want a dress and shoes more, so I'm going.
The reasons I don't wanna go: 1. I don't have anyone to go with! Everyone's bailing and not going. And I am not going with Nick and Hana. Not gonna be the third wheel there.
2. I don't have a date (falls under no one to go with...). And now I have an issue with that...
3. I don't want to see Chris and Kelsey (the girl I think he's going out with).
Another homecoming crisis. My date. I complained to Ivanovich and he said, "don't ask me, since I can't dance." And I didn't press it. I didn't really want to go with him anyways. I want to go with Chris but that is impossible considering the possible circumstances. Later I was talking to two theatre friends. Moya and Mathew (I think he likes me. He gave me a hug. I missed hugs. But nothing compares to Chris's hugs...dammit...makes me sad...) and I asked Mathew. Actually it was a long sad talk with me complaining about my sad situation and Mathew feeling bad and Moya telling him to ask me and such. So I asked him and he said maybe... GREAT right. Then Ivanovich comes up and tells me he might actually go. So I have 2 maybe dates. We are falling deeper into the fishbowl of high school homecoming.
I got my homecoming dress. Yay! It's a stops just short of my knees, a dusty blue as if someone had painted the floor blue and left. And now you're standing in the doorway of the room, years later. It is untouched and a thick layer of grey dust covers it. The light shining through the old wooden window creates patterns in shining color (the glitter) and as you step in the dust rises, swirling perfectly around you.
The color of the sky: A midnight blue. Smooth like the silk dress. Scattered with the glitter of starlight and city lights.
Driving home from the mall I saw two men holding hands, walking in the cloak of darkness, hidden from the world by hats and scarves, illuminated by only the passing cars and street lamps. The stars a silent witness to impossible beauty. A secret that can never be revealed or accepted, perfect for a cold endless night in a cruel world.
The reasons I don't wanna go: 1. I don't have anyone to go with! Everyone's bailing and not going. And I am not going with Nick and Hana. Not gonna be the third wheel there.
2. I don't have a date (falls under no one to go with...). And now I have an issue with that...
3. I don't want to see Chris and Kelsey (the girl I think he's going out with).
Another homecoming crisis. My date. I complained to Ivanovich and he said, "don't ask me, since I can't dance." And I didn't press it. I didn't really want to go with him anyways. I want to go with Chris but that is impossible considering the possible circumstances. Later I was talking to two theatre friends. Moya and Mathew (I think he likes me. He gave me a hug. I missed hugs. But nothing compares to Chris's hugs...dammit...makes me sad...) and I asked Mathew. Actually it was a long sad talk with me complaining about my sad situation and Mathew feeling bad and Moya telling him to ask me and such. So I asked him and he said maybe... GREAT right. Then Ivanovich comes up and tells me he might actually go. So I have 2 maybe dates. We are falling deeper into the fishbowl of high school homecoming.
I got my homecoming dress. Yay! It's a stops just short of my knees, a dusty blue as if someone had painted the floor blue and left. And now you're standing in the doorway of the room, years later. It is untouched and a thick layer of grey dust covers it. The light shining through the old wooden window creates patterns in shining color (the glitter) and as you step in the dust rises, swirling perfectly around you.
The color of the sky: A midnight blue. Smooth like the silk dress. Scattered with the glitter of starlight and city lights.
Driving home from the mall I saw two men holding hands, walking in the cloak of darkness, hidden from the world by hats and scarves, illuminated by only the passing cars and street lamps. The stars a silent witness to impossible beauty. A secret that can never be revealed or accepted, perfect for a cold endless night in a cruel world.
Monday 17 September 2012
The goldfish bowl (day 1) the start of a messed up week
Why do dreams feel so real sometimes? How come I can feel myself die? How come I can feel his lips so clearly. Why am I so scared during those dreams.
My dream last night was so weird. I stole a briefcase cause the main character in a book did. And I felt so guilty. The dream continued with me not knowing what to do with the thing, it only contained a scarf, ipod, and some notebooks, and everyone shunning me for stealing it. The dream suddenly switched to gym class. The gym was at my old middle school. And I just fell into the rhythm, playing soccer, running, laughing with the rest of the class of 2015. I ran into Chris at some point and we started listing out names: Rodriguez, Carlos, Nana, Ronald, Alize, Joelina, Micheal, Ivanovich (or Ibrahimovic). Apparently these are the names of our 8 children. But why were they all spanish...? Then he began flirting with some random girl, which got me really annoyed so I yelled at him. He turns around, "Baby you're the only one I really love." And KISSES me on the lips. I felt his lips pressed against mine soft and perfect. Then he turned around and started flirting with the guy (yes male) behind him. Good dream. I though it might mean something good. But now I'm starting to think Chris has a girlfriend...dammit.
I am going to homecoming. So far without a date.
Today was boring. Went to theatre and did tech. That part was fun.
I finished City Of Thieves a few days ago. It is such an amazing book. The descriptions are wonderful and horrific and it tells the story of a different side of World War 2 very well. I wanted to cry at the end, but I was in math class when I finished the book. I want to re read it again soon.
The color of the sky: Empty, where clouds usually filled the sky there was only an empty unmoving ocean. Calm after a storm. A summer hazy not quite navy blue that tasted sweet like steam rising from a cup of warm coffee.
My dream last night was so weird. I stole a briefcase cause the main character in a book did. And I felt so guilty. The dream continued with me not knowing what to do with the thing, it only contained a scarf, ipod, and some notebooks, and everyone shunning me for stealing it. The dream suddenly switched to gym class. The gym was at my old middle school. And I just fell into the rhythm, playing soccer, running, laughing with the rest of the class of 2015. I ran into Chris at some point and we started listing out names: Rodriguez, Carlos, Nana, Ronald, Alize, Joelina, Micheal, Ivanovich (or Ibrahimovic). Apparently these are the names of our 8 children. But why were they all spanish...? Then he began flirting with some random girl, which got me really annoyed so I yelled at him. He turns around, "Baby you're the only one I really love." And KISSES me on the lips. I felt his lips pressed against mine soft and perfect. Then he turned around and started flirting with the guy (yes male) behind him. Good dream. I though it might mean something good. But now I'm starting to think Chris has a girlfriend...dammit.
I am going to homecoming. So far without a date.
Today was boring. Went to theatre and did tech. That part was fun.
I finished City Of Thieves a few days ago. It is such an amazing book. The descriptions are wonderful and horrific and it tells the story of a different side of World War 2 very well. I wanted to cry at the end, but I was in math class when I finished the book. I want to re read it again soon.
The color of the sky: Empty, where clouds usually filled the sky there was only an empty unmoving ocean. Calm after a storm. A summer hazy not quite navy blue that tasted sweet like steam rising from a cup of warm coffee.
Sunday 16 September 2012
on the verge of starvation for something more
Today wasn't a bad day. But I feel like crying cause life is...well life.
Question 1. WHY am I fat? I play so much more soccer, I walk to school every day, and I don't over eat. Last year I was so much skinnier. It pisses me off.
Question 2 (This is more of a statement). Life at my other school was so different...I'm not sure why I started thinking about it after everything has been going so well. There I had more freedom, crazy adventures, I barely ate for some reason (I was skinnier than), the classes were better taught. Even if some stupid and crazy stuff happened it was worth it. Maybe I just need to try harder here.
The Perks of Being A Wallflower is coming out this week. Emi and I are going to see it. I read it last year and I didn't think it was that great. Now looking back on it, I think our 7th hour group is experiencing something along the lines of that book. In a weird way. Now I really want to re-read it and maybe I can answer a few more things about myself like that.
Had a soccer tournament this weekend. Our last game today was against a bunch of fat, pushy, big boobed, white trash, pussy bitches. And I am not kidding. I'm not saying this cause we lost, it's cause they played so dirty and their parents started yelling at us for doing things we weren't like pushing them. They complained so much and I was thinking, bitch if you wanna complain that you broke your nail get of the frikking field!
Totally in love with the Goo Goo Dolls. They make the world worth living, and make homework bearable.
Got a weird call from the chicago area. They actually left a voice mail but I have no clue who it was...maybe they'll call back.
The color of the sky: People call it red, but it's not. It's a bright almost neon orange mixed with a deep red. The sun. The clouds around it were contrasting, a feathery soft morning blue, bordered with the custard colored glow of the sun.
Tomorrow is another day. Going back to school, continuing the sad love story of my life.
I like sitting here. Criss crossed legs, computer resting on them, listening to the Goo Goo Dolls, and everything seems oddly perfect.
If it was perfect... there wouldn't be school tomorrow cause it's spring break. Soft spring light would be floating through the shades, the house all quiet and empty. The smell of summer wafting through the empty spaces. A clean uncluttered floor, and I would paint, or read or just lay there watching the ceiling. Nothing to worry about my social life would be all sorted out, a boyfriend, friends, people to just talk to about nothing. (I'd also be skinny). And there would be absolutely nothing to worry about.
Question 1. WHY am I fat? I play so much more soccer, I walk to school every day, and I don't over eat. Last year I was so much skinnier. It pisses me off.
Question 2 (This is more of a statement). Life at my other school was so different...I'm not sure why I started thinking about it after everything has been going so well. There I had more freedom, crazy adventures, I barely ate for some reason (I was skinnier than), the classes were better taught. Even if some stupid and crazy stuff happened it was worth it. Maybe I just need to try harder here.
The Perks of Being A Wallflower is coming out this week. Emi and I are going to see it. I read it last year and I didn't think it was that great. Now looking back on it, I think our 7th hour group is experiencing something along the lines of that book. In a weird way. Now I really want to re-read it and maybe I can answer a few more things about myself like that.
Had a soccer tournament this weekend. Our last game today was against a bunch of fat, pushy, big boobed, white trash, pussy bitches. And I am not kidding. I'm not saying this cause we lost, it's cause they played so dirty and their parents started yelling at us for doing things we weren't like pushing them. They complained so much and I was thinking, bitch if you wanna complain that you broke your nail get of the frikking field!
Totally in love with the Goo Goo Dolls. They make the world worth living, and make homework bearable.
Got a weird call from the chicago area. They actually left a voice mail but I have no clue who it was...maybe they'll call back.
The color of the sky: People call it red, but it's not. It's a bright almost neon orange mixed with a deep red. The sun. The clouds around it were contrasting, a feathery soft morning blue, bordered with the custard colored glow of the sun.
Tomorrow is another day. Going back to school, continuing the sad love story of my life.
I like sitting here. Criss crossed legs, computer resting on them, listening to the Goo Goo Dolls, and everything seems oddly perfect.
If it was perfect... there wouldn't be school tomorrow cause it's spring break. Soft spring light would be floating through the shades, the house all quiet and empty. The smell of summer wafting through the empty spaces. A clean uncluttered floor, and I would paint, or read or just lay there watching the ceiling. Nothing to worry about my social life would be all sorted out, a boyfriend, friends, people to just talk to about nothing. (I'd also be skinny). And there would be absolutely nothing to worry about.
strawberry soda
This is a random compliment of things of some time...
While everyone ran around quoting Shakespeare and dreaming of the love romeo and Juliette had I was running up and down stairs falling in love. Never having joined my classmates in the pleasure of the play, what did I know of love? Only what I experienced on my own. And what did they know of love? Only what they had read in a 500 year old book.
All freshmen, all taking the the first baby steps of our high school years. We sat in the same class, dreamt the same dreams of love, and lived lives that could be called similar. Really the only difference was they read Romeo and Juliette and I fell in love.
So life continues. I wonder if I had approached him, talked to him, was girly, cute, ambitious, openly weird (like I can be) if things would have turned out differently. I wouldn't want to change it, things turned out fine I don't regret it exactly, but at the same time I could have done more. Flown higher and fallen harder. And why didn't I? Why don't I? Their words don't matter...do they?
I'm still trying to figure out my life. I need to do this soon. It's so weird though. It seems like I need the approval of people, and I somehow can't quite be myself... I'm really gonna hate myself if I keep going like this won't I?
You know I have a kinda normal life almost. Or at least it seems kinda normal. I'm a normal girl, who likes guys but is just really shy. Why am I trying to analyse my life?
I wanna go see the words. Maybe I'll skip school one day and go see it. I wonder what other good movies are out now...
The petals of roses, are the softest things.
While everyone ran around quoting Shakespeare and dreaming of the love romeo and Juliette had I was running up and down stairs falling in love. Never having joined my classmates in the pleasure of the play, what did I know of love? Only what I experienced on my own. And what did they know of love? Only what they had read in a 500 year old book.
All freshmen, all taking the the first baby steps of our high school years. We sat in the same class, dreamt the same dreams of love, and lived lives that could be called similar. Really the only difference was they read Romeo and Juliette and I fell in love.
So life continues. I wonder if I had approached him, talked to him, was girly, cute, ambitious, openly weird (like I can be) if things would have turned out differently. I wouldn't want to change it, things turned out fine I don't regret it exactly, but at the same time I could have done more. Flown higher and fallen harder. And why didn't I? Why don't I? Their words don't matter...do they?
I'm still trying to figure out my life. I need to do this soon. It's so weird though. It seems like I need the approval of people, and I somehow can't quite be myself... I'm really gonna hate myself if I keep going like this won't I?
You know I have a kinda normal life almost. Or at least it seems kinda normal. I'm a normal girl, who likes guys but is just really shy. Why am I trying to analyse my life?
I wanna go see the words. Maybe I'll skip school one day and go see it. I wonder what other good movies are out now...
The petals of roses, are the softest things.
Friday 14 September 2012
The perfect sound of a bow gliding, caressing the strings of my cello making her sing
Remember when I told you about that book I read? Dying to Know You. Well I remember why I read it and what I took from it. It wasn't a totally useless teenage live lesson love story. First off, I got it because of the words Cyrano De Bergerac and I hadn't read any realistic fiction for a while. Second what I got from that book was a reflection. Fiorella is like me. We're actors trying to find our role. She tried, acting different in front of everyone, playing the role that seemed to fit the scene. I do that too. I guess I just have to wait and find my play...
Anyways....today was a wonderful day! Until my mom ruined it by talking about the D I have in math.
Anyways....today was a wonderful day! Until my mom ruined it by talking about the D I have in math.
7th hour was lovely again. Emily, Guy (who's name is Ivanovich), Mari and I make a weirdly wonderful group. Ivanovich is a person I can really talk to...as a friend really. But I think I might have said too much today. Then again, he also got me playing cello so maybe it wasn't a bad thing.
I played for the first time in almost a year, I still have good pitch and can read notes. It's a miracle people!
Do any of you get this? When you have a boyfriend of girlfriend or just friends and all you want to do is be alone that day, but they don't leave you alone and they hang out with you then afterwards fb and txt you and you hate it? Then you break up with them, or just stop talking. Superficial high school life.
But then you have those days when your all alone no one txts you back, no one's on fb and you just feel so alone... and all you want is to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to hug you.
Our whole 7th hour table has that... (except Mari maybe). Mission 7th hour: find someone! I'm gonna love this year.
Emi and I went on a walk. It was cold tonight. A fall cold, the kind that makes you shiver and wish you were wearing a scarf, or better yet were inside someplace warm. A night where there is no wind, but the cold hangs there pulling at your clothes forcing you to keep moving but still the cold was welcome as a sign that fall was nearing and winters kiss not far behind.
We met up with a bunch of 8th graders. This one guy was totally all over us, talking and trying to (kinda) impress us. And these other two were trying to get together or something. It was really fun. We hung out for like an hour talking and walking and doing nothing.
Why don't attractive guys our age do that? Oh we did call Nick. And apparently he's "working" on getting me and Chris together...we'll see how that goes.
Jess was wearing a PINK polo today. And shorts. He has such skinny legs.
The color of the sky: Bordering on grey but blue. As the rain drizzled down marking the beginning of fall and the long cold nights to follow. The clouds hung there, yet the sky seemed bigger, higher than usual. And it just kept raining.
I played for the first time in almost a year, I still have good pitch and can read notes. It's a miracle people!
Do any of you get this? When you have a boyfriend of girlfriend or just friends and all you want to do is be alone that day, but they don't leave you alone and they hang out with you then afterwards fb and txt you and you hate it? Then you break up with them, or just stop talking. Superficial high school life.
But then you have those days when your all alone no one txts you back, no one's on fb and you just feel so alone... and all you want is to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to hug you.
Our whole 7th hour table has that... (except Mari maybe). Mission 7th hour: find someone! I'm gonna love this year.
Emi and I went on a walk. It was cold tonight. A fall cold, the kind that makes you shiver and wish you were wearing a scarf, or better yet were inside someplace warm. A night where there is no wind, but the cold hangs there pulling at your clothes forcing you to keep moving but still the cold was welcome as a sign that fall was nearing and winters kiss not far behind.
We met up with a bunch of 8th graders. This one guy was totally all over us, talking and trying to (kinda) impress us. And these other two were trying to get together or something. It was really fun. We hung out for like an hour talking and walking and doing nothing.
Why don't attractive guys our age do that? Oh we did call Nick. And apparently he's "working" on getting me and Chris together...we'll see how that goes.
Jess was wearing a PINK polo today. And shorts. He has such skinny legs.
The color of the sky: Bordering on grey but blue. As the rain drizzled down marking the beginning of fall and the long cold nights to follow. The clouds hung there, yet the sky seemed bigger, higher than usual. And it just kept raining.
Thursday 13 September 2012
Should my child really be screwing that?
Today was a good day and it wasn't even all that good!
I made new friends (kinda...), and didn't do ANYTHING in school. Cause we had class meetings and it mixed up the schedules.
Emi and I went on a walk. We told each other about the funny things that happened that day, laughing the whole time. I'm still laughing about it.
1. Me, txt conversation with Chris 2:
C: were there any male counsellors you though were cute lol
me: No lol
C: Ahh maybe at school ull find him. What about the one you liked last year?
me: i'm over him. yeah maybe lol
C: So is there any guy u would be willing to go out with at school?
me: IDK we're not even back at school yet!
C: Well what about peeps from last year?
me: ...i dunno
C: Well I know a couple for me ;)
2. Emi in math class: So we got lolly pops cause our table won jepordy or something, and this guy starts eating his, "It's soooo good. Mmmmm." It continues for a while. Then he get's it stuck in his teeth. "It's stuck....(later) It's still stuck, but it is so delicious."
3. Me, passing time: I was wearing my Barchelona jersey. I get dragged into Chris 1's class room by my friend. He takes one look at my shirt, "You are not wearing that! No! Oh no! Come on! I would never have my baby wear that! NEVER!"
We couldn't figure out who he was talking about... his child (in the future), me, a mixture of both, or my "sexy european soccer playing" child who I will have with Chris (Emi and Nick said that).
4. Theater: a concerned parent email "What is a techie? What is a 2 by 4? Should my child really be screwing that?"
It was so funny and stupid. There were more, I just don't remember.
The color of the sky: Looking up I remembered that I forgot what it looked like earlier. Now the colors, light pink, summer orange, sunflower gold shimmering on the clouds appeared as a distant misslabeled thought lost now to the locked files of my memory.
I made new friends (kinda...), and didn't do ANYTHING in school. Cause we had class meetings and it mixed up the schedules.
Emi and I went on a walk. We told each other about the funny things that happened that day, laughing the whole time. I'm still laughing about it.
1. Me, txt conversation with Chris 2:
C: were there any male counsellors you though were cute lol
me: No lol
C: Ahh maybe at school ull find him. What about the one you liked last year?
me: i'm over him. yeah maybe lol
C: So is there any guy u would be willing to go out with at school?
me: IDK we're not even back at school yet!
C: Well what about peeps from last year?
me: ...i dunno
C: Well I know a couple for me ;)
2. Emi in math class: So we got lolly pops cause our table won jepordy or something, and this guy starts eating his, "It's soooo good. Mmmmm." It continues for a while. Then he get's it stuck in his teeth. "It's stuck....(later) It's still stuck, but it is so delicious."
3. Me, passing time: I was wearing my Barchelona jersey. I get dragged into Chris 1's class room by my friend. He takes one look at my shirt, "You are not wearing that! No! Oh no! Come on! I would never have my baby wear that! NEVER!"
We couldn't figure out who he was talking about... his child (in the future), me, a mixture of both, or my "sexy european soccer playing" child who I will have with Chris (Emi and Nick said that).
4. Theater: a concerned parent email "What is a techie? What is a 2 by 4? Should my child really be screwing that?"
It was so funny and stupid. There were more, I just don't remember.
The color of the sky: Looking up I remembered that I forgot what it looked like earlier. Now the colors, light pink, summer orange, sunflower gold shimmering on the clouds appeared as a distant misslabeled thought lost now to the locked files of my memory.
Wednesday 12 September 2012
Emira
Oh my gosh. I completely forgot about this. Today I wore my pretty new dress. The white vintage looking one.
It was super windy during lunch and the wind would just pick up the hems of my dress and play with it. Twirling it like a ball gown and showing off my spandex (which I am so glad I wore). A lot of people said I looked really pretty today and that made me really happy.
Also I went to the library and just sat there for 40 minutes. I got so much new manga. I missed that place, I love the library so much. The smell, the books, the feeling that you can just disappear into another world.
Emira, the world in the alley way.
It was super windy during lunch and the wind would just pick up the hems of my dress and play with it. Twirling it like a ball gown and showing off my spandex (which I am so glad I wore). A lot of people said I looked really pretty today and that made me really happy.
Also I went to the library and just sat there for 40 minutes. I got so much new manga. I missed that place, I love the library so much. The smell, the books, the feeling that you can just disappear into another world.
Emira, the world in the alley way.
Angels wanna wear my red shoes
The internet's been down. Today, and yesterday were as uneventful as ever. And the days are dragging by.
Red shoes are lucky (mine are vintage red converse that are falling apart. And I wore them today)
7th hour. There's four of us at our makeshift table of four desks scooted together, or pod as my teacher refers to it. Me, Mari, across from me this guy, who's name I do not yet know and Emily next to him. Guy, which is what I'll refer to him as until I learn his name, keeps a journal. But it's not for himself, not like you usually write, thoughts and stuff. Nope, it's a book of letters to a girl, who's "as far as the east is to the west...". Emily kept bugging Guy to read it and finally they exchanged journals. I don't know the story, but I can guess pretty well. Unrequited true love, that ended badly, really badly. I listened to the conversation, a mix of sentiment and understanding, Mari's offhanded jokes, and my quiet laughter or occasional comment.
I'm really starting to like that class. We make an interesting group.
Chris talked to me today. Going back to yesterday (this is related). I went to the boy's JV soccer game. Nick and Chris play. They won, but Chris didn't get to play. I always joke with Nick that the only reason I ever come is to see him with his hair in a ponytail, and to avoid math. And he jokes that I'm only there to see Chris (which is partially true...). Well after that game he was in a really bad/depressed mood. We talked to him a bit, but he was so out of it. And that was sad. But today...things were different.
I was talking with Sam and Nick outside when Chris walks up. He yelled a hello. "Hi Chris. I like your shirt." He was wearing a Madrid jersey. "I like you too baby." That made me smile and made Nick start teasing me.
Other than that my life is boring. School. Home work. That's it.
Sometimes when I'm drawing I feel like I can't pass on the sadness or happiness that I'm trying to pass on through the drawing. Does that make sense...? In a song, you can hear the emotion, or in writing, but what about drawing. That was really bugging me today.
The color of the sky: A clear blue. Color seeping through layers of thick glass, coming out drained and dampened. White splatters, like milk that someone spilled on that glass coffee table. I wonder if it will rain tonight, cause won't the owners want to clean off their table?
Red shoes are lucky (mine are vintage red converse that are falling apart. And I wore them today)
7th hour. There's four of us at our makeshift table of four desks scooted together, or pod as my teacher refers to it. Me, Mari, across from me this guy, who's name I do not yet know and Emily next to him. Guy, which is what I'll refer to him as until I learn his name, keeps a journal. But it's not for himself, not like you usually write, thoughts and stuff. Nope, it's a book of letters to a girl, who's "as far as the east is to the west...". Emily kept bugging Guy to read it and finally they exchanged journals. I don't know the story, but I can guess pretty well. Unrequited true love, that ended badly, really badly. I listened to the conversation, a mix of sentiment and understanding, Mari's offhanded jokes, and my quiet laughter or occasional comment.
I'm really starting to like that class. We make an interesting group.
Chris talked to me today. Going back to yesterday (this is related). I went to the boy's JV soccer game. Nick and Chris play. They won, but Chris didn't get to play. I always joke with Nick that the only reason I ever come is to see him with his hair in a ponytail, and to avoid math. And he jokes that I'm only there to see Chris (which is partially true...). Well after that game he was in a really bad/depressed mood. We talked to him a bit, but he was so out of it. And that was sad. But today...things were different.
I was talking with Sam and Nick outside when Chris walks up. He yelled a hello. "Hi Chris. I like your shirt." He was wearing a Madrid jersey. "I like you too baby." That made me smile and made Nick start teasing me.
Other than that my life is boring. School. Home work. That's it.
Sometimes when I'm drawing I feel like I can't pass on the sadness or happiness that I'm trying to pass on through the drawing. Does that make sense...? In a song, you can hear the emotion, or in writing, but what about drawing. That was really bugging me today.
The color of the sky: A clear blue. Color seeping through layers of thick glass, coming out drained and dampened. White splatters, like milk that someone spilled on that glass coffee table. I wonder if it will rain tonight, cause won't the owners want to clean off their table?
Sunday 9 September 2012
Yellow roses
Tired. The internet hasn't been working.
I was reading past post and omg I am such a bad writer. It's actually really funny. Everything I write is so hard to follow.
Soccer game today. We lost.
I have no life. I spent all weekend by myself and my mom told me to call someone and hang out. I told her I did but no one was home. I didn't. Too shy.
Pictures tomorrow...and opening meeting! yay.
I should try harder...bleh.
The color of the sky: Dark clouds, breathing a cool breeze, scattering the white puffy clouds of heat, humidity and despair. A blue sky between the two opponents.
English people and england.
I was reading past post and omg I am such a bad writer. It's actually really funny. Everything I write is so hard to follow.
Soccer game today. We lost.
I have no life. I spent all weekend by myself and my mom told me to call someone and hang out. I told her I did but no one was home. I didn't. Too shy.
Pictures tomorrow...and opening meeting! yay.
I should try harder...bleh.
The color of the sky: Dark clouds, breathing a cool breeze, scattering the white puffy clouds of heat, humidity and despair. A blue sky between the two opponents.
English people and england.
Friday 7 September 2012
Looking back and loving me
There's a bug caught in a net, hanging in the lamplight. Your not a picture anymore, alive, breathing, actually smiling. Maybe loving me.
Maybe a little too late.
I've been sleeping a lot lately. School's been ok. I actually made a friend! I have 7th hour with her, and we've been talking a lot and she's awesome. I really like her. Her names Mari. I had a lot of tests today I have no clue if I passed or not. Oh well. That's what extra credit is for.
I keep seeing Jess. Two of his classes are right by my locker. And Sophia says he stares at her in the halls too!
It was Emi's birthday today. I got her a Pokemon Attack Pig. She liked it. It was more of a joke, but the stuffed animal is ugly, but kinda cute too. We ate cookies.
Chris said hi to me today. I don't get to see him that much cause he switched classes.
I have school tomorrow.
Yesterday was the fist soccer practice of the season and we all died. It was so hard. Coach made us run SO much. We all felt sick at the end. Game on sunday, yay.
One more thing, I decided that I want to try my hardest with everything and do my very best with everything, theatre, school, saturday school, soccer, drawing/painting. I should set that goal for my social life too...but I'm too shy. Which really doesn't make sense. I do theatre and I have absolutely no stage fright, but I can't speak in public. It sucks. Also I act different depending on the people, situation, place, time and all those other variables. So who am I? Or rather, who do I want to be...? I don't really know.
Been watching Disney movies.
The color of the sky: Morning sky is so grey. It's not quite depressing, but it has a hard tone, the voice of a strict worker, working is their life. You can feel the weight of life. The sun's barely out from behind morning foggy grey clouds. Cold light. On a cloud scattered sky. Bleak morning, the warmth doesn't match.
I just spent an hour looking through my 2 pound folder of 2nd semester drawing from last year. I cried. I miss those days, Sophia, Jess, Kaitlin, 6th block history, 7th block modern drama, bus rides, down town...how am I going to survive this year with out it all?
Maybe a little too late.
I've been sleeping a lot lately. School's been ok. I actually made a friend! I have 7th hour with her, and we've been talking a lot and she's awesome. I really like her. Her names Mari. I had a lot of tests today I have no clue if I passed or not. Oh well. That's what extra credit is for.
I keep seeing Jess. Two of his classes are right by my locker. And Sophia says he stares at her in the halls too!
It was Emi's birthday today. I got her a Pokemon Attack Pig. She liked it. It was more of a joke, but the stuffed animal is ugly, but kinda cute too. We ate cookies.
Chris said hi to me today. I don't get to see him that much cause he switched classes.
I have school tomorrow.
Yesterday was the fist soccer practice of the season and we all died. It was so hard. Coach made us run SO much. We all felt sick at the end. Game on sunday, yay.
One more thing, I decided that I want to try my hardest with everything and do my very best with everything, theatre, school, saturday school, soccer, drawing/painting. I should set that goal for my social life too...but I'm too shy. Which really doesn't make sense. I do theatre and I have absolutely no stage fright, but I can't speak in public. It sucks. Also I act different depending on the people, situation, place, time and all those other variables. So who am I? Or rather, who do I want to be...? I don't really know.
Been watching Disney movies.
The color of the sky: Morning sky is so grey. It's not quite depressing, but it has a hard tone, the voice of a strict worker, working is their life. You can feel the weight of life. The sun's barely out from behind morning foggy grey clouds. Cold light. On a cloud scattered sky. Bleak morning, the warmth doesn't match.
I just spent an hour looking through my 2 pound folder of 2nd semester drawing from last year. I cried. I miss those days, Sophia, Jess, Kaitlin, 6th block history, 7th block modern drama, bus rides, down town...how am I going to survive this year with out it all?
Wednesday 5 September 2012
What am I doing wrong (?)
Today was much better. Classes went by faster, and it was better in general...minus the fact that I think Chris switched out of my health and science classes. Which made me feel a bit more relaxed in class but also made me really sad and annoyed.
I. saw. Jess. Oh. My. God. He cut his hair again. And looks just as attractive, cute, scary as he did before. I realised that I'm never fully going to get over this kid. First love, or something like that.
My weird english teacher dyed her hair orange. It looks like a carrot. She started talking about herself again...and she is a weird...for lack of a better word, teacher.
Classes today:
1. Still don't like the freshman. And it sounded like he was trying to compare communism to democracy the whole hour (he was suppose to be talking about civilisation vs culture, freedom vs security).
2. I like this class. I'm really learning something. 8 parts of speech in english. But I like it.
3. Chris wasn't there... We did an annoying worksheet that made me think of hospital related things. We got more people (which sucks) and assigned seats.
4. No Chris again. Moya and I had fun with the assignment though (which had nothing to do with science).
5. French. Extra credit. She talked. Nothing else. Like that class kinda.
6. Math. Frikking cold in that classroom! It was ok. Good for a math class, by my standards (which is impressive cause I hate the subject).
7. Weird. (no more comments)
I realised that I smile when people say my name directly to me.
Night swimming last night was so much fun! We snuck in to this apartment pool. And swam for 20 minutes. It's really relaxing, and there was a hot tub. Refreshing, cool, adventure, fun, gossip, all that fun stuff.
Goddammit. I really hate myself sometimes. Why am I so shy, insecure, scared, have no sense of fashion, like idiots and have love issues, and...am anti-social (or does that just fall under shy?).
The color of the sky: A light, a little bit happy, kind of blue. A few slender clouds in the distance. Quiet.
I think I'm gonna go to bed early tonight.
I. saw. Jess. Oh. My. God. He cut his hair again. And looks just as attractive, cute, scary as he did before. I realised that I'm never fully going to get over this kid. First love, or something like that.
My weird english teacher dyed her hair orange. It looks like a carrot. She started talking about herself again...and she is a weird...for lack of a better word, teacher.
Classes today:
1. Still don't like the freshman. And it sounded like he was trying to compare communism to democracy the whole hour (he was suppose to be talking about civilisation vs culture, freedom vs security).
2. I like this class. I'm really learning something. 8 parts of speech in english. But I like it.
3. Chris wasn't there... We did an annoying worksheet that made me think of hospital related things. We got more people (which sucks) and assigned seats.
4. No Chris again. Moya and I had fun with the assignment though (which had nothing to do with science).
5. French. Extra credit. She talked. Nothing else. Like that class kinda.
6. Math. Frikking cold in that classroom! It was ok. Good for a math class, by my standards (which is impressive cause I hate the subject).
7. Weird. (no more comments)
I realised that I smile when people say my name directly to me.
Night swimming last night was so much fun! We snuck in to this apartment pool. And swam for 20 minutes. It's really relaxing, and there was a hot tub. Refreshing, cool, adventure, fun, gossip, all that fun stuff.
Goddammit. I really hate myself sometimes. Why am I so shy, insecure, scared, have no sense of fashion, like idiots and have love issues, and...am anti-social (or does that just fall under shy?).
The color of the sky: A light, a little bit happy, kind of blue. A few slender clouds in the distance. Quiet.
I think I'm gonna go to bed early tonight.
Tuesday 4 September 2012
Hug me! Policy #4: hands to yourself
When I'm wearing makeup I feel like my face is so delicate. The slightest touch can break it. The slightest mistake can wreak everything, not just my face, my life...
Chris. 1. (I'll only refer to him with the 1 if 2 is involved in the post). Well... Since my giving up on Mr. Jess I realized fully what and idiot I had been. For several reasons. 1. I suppose I really did like Chris. Cause, even though he can be an asshole and an idiot and totally rude and annoying, he made me feel happy and kinda loved. 2. I probably should have paid more attention to him and talked to him more, even just for friend ship.
The downsides to liking him: his crowd of people. The guys I'd get along with fine. They're all soccer freaks and I like them (even though they're just like Chris...). But the girls... I swear every one he hangs out with is his ex, or wannabe girlfriend. Also people like that just scare me for some reason.
It's an effort. Sure he's nice and all (well can be) sometimes I feel like he'd just be hard to keep up with.
I don't want to mess up again like with Jess. NEVEER again (preferably).
Am I just going to be another girl in a collection (if I date him)?
Upsides: I like him.
We have a lot in common.
Happy feeling. Hugs.
Social life...? (not a real reason but a prospect).
I'm probably over thinking this again. I mean I like him so it shouldn't make a difference right...?
The last one's stupid.
I don't know. I suppose we just sit back and let the plot unravel by itself a bit...a lot.
Also the more I look at it the more I'm disliking the people in my classes...
Chris. 1. (I'll only refer to him with the 1 if 2 is involved in the post). Well... Since my giving up on Mr. Jess I realized fully what and idiot I had been. For several reasons. 1. I suppose I really did like Chris. Cause, even though he can be an asshole and an idiot and totally rude and annoying, he made me feel happy and kinda loved. 2. I probably should have paid more attention to him and talked to him more, even just for friend ship.
The downsides to liking him: his crowd of people. The guys I'd get along with fine. They're all soccer freaks and I like them (even though they're just like Chris...). But the girls... I swear every one he hangs out with is his ex, or wannabe girlfriend. Also people like that just scare me for some reason.
It's an effort. Sure he's nice and all (well can be) sometimes I feel like he'd just be hard to keep up with.
I don't want to mess up again like with Jess. NEVEER again (preferably).
Am I just going to be another girl in a collection (if I date him)?
Upsides: I like him.
We have a lot in common.
Happy feeling. Hugs.
Social life...? (not a real reason but a prospect).
I'm probably over thinking this again. I mean I like him so it shouldn't make a difference right...?
The last one's stupid.
I don't know. I suppose we just sit back and let the plot unravel by itself a bit...a lot.
Also the more I look at it the more I'm disliking the people in my classes...
Long, long day
No hw. Thank god. I wanna eat something, and I did. But I want more food. But I need to wait till dinner...just cause.
I wanna sleep......
First day back was...well not up to my expectations. It went something like this:
I ran out the front door after my morning rituals. Walked 1.5 miles to school, while listening to the following songs: Mystery Achievements, the Pretenders; She's Watching the Detectives, Alison, by Elvis Costello; Your my Best Friend, Queen; Lullaby, Nickleback.
1. Talked to people in the halls (actually I ran into Chris 2 and talked, he doesn't "love" me anymore, thank god), found my first class, World History, a freshman class. They were all, or mostly all freshmen. God they are so annoying. I don't like them. My class was super quiet and the girl next to me kept taking notes on every single word the teacher said. It was so irritating. She didn't look at me once.
2. Walked up 1 floor to my 2nd hour. Turns out it's the same class room as last year, even funnier is that again I'm taking a language there. Latin 1. My voice decided to walk out on me and I could barely talk. Must be coming down with something...( the rest of the day wasn't too bad though). Nothing to say about the class.
3. Health. The class with Chris. Turns out Amanda and Miranda are in my class as well.
Amanda reminds me of a southern girl. I have no clue as to why. She's tall, very blond. Her hair is very straight and a bit longer than shoulder length. She isn't fat, but she's well built (her height makes this less obvious and adds to her character). Wears pretty clothes and annoys me. She is an acquaintance made for the sake of conversation and appearing somewhat social...eh...well I need someone to talk to every once in a while (a decent conversation).
Miranda plays soccer with me and is kinda clingy. She thinks we are very alike. Appearances, hobbies, personality. She's wrong. Short, short brown hair, pudgy (also almost but not fat, blubber). A really nice girl but she can get so annoying. I suppose I don't mind her too much though.
They both remind me of Chloe. I don't know if I mentioned her. I think I did... Well she was in my gym class last year. She's had so many boyfriends. And we'd just talk. And it was nice cause it was a conversation. But she was so frikking annoying!
Well it's a good class. Like 5 girls and 15 guys. So many to choose from...hm...well I know who. Overall, good.
4. Science. I walked into a silent, empty, dark class room and sat down. I didn't have anything else to do! I played with my phone, and the idea of taking a book out to read. I was saved by Moya, he's also annoying. But once again, social companion. Don't like that class, even though Chris is there (he kept looking at me, or maybe it was just the girl sitting next to me...). I swear to god that class is filled with nerds, loners, and Chris's ex girlfriends. It sucks.
5. Lunch Time! So happy. Met up with Emi and Christi (actual friend kinda, still getting to know her). Ate, talked, laughed. Back to class.
6. Walked with Emi to the third floor for French. The class reminded me of last year. Hyper, girl talk, giggling, fun. The class doesn't seem too bad either. Surprised I can still understand French.
7. Walked with Emi to math. Our classes are right next to one another. I spaced out. Like the teacher kinda.
8. Last class! English. Weirdo teacher. Badly dyed blonde hair, way to much makeup, an odd face, everything blue and matching (nails, makeup, clothes, shoes) she likes horror and hello Kitty... I like the people in my class (to some better degree than before). Fine, decent class.
HOME. My friends mom drove me home. I love her dog.
And that's pretty much been my day...
One more thing. Emi and I met a totally awesome German guy! It was just so weird. We're going to be friends! That really made my day. So I'm happy about that.
The end of Day 1 Sophomore Year 2012-13 (how am I going to survive this now...?)
The color of the sky: A soft creamy white and pink, swirled around the center of the mass of clouds like cream on coffee is yellow orange, lacy on the fringes. And blue. Light soft blue, something reminding me of spring flowers.
Going night swimming with Emi.
I wanna sleep......
First day back was...well not up to my expectations. It went something like this:
I ran out the front door after my morning rituals. Walked 1.5 miles to school, while listening to the following songs: Mystery Achievements, the Pretenders; She's Watching the Detectives, Alison, by Elvis Costello; Your my Best Friend, Queen; Lullaby, Nickleback.
1. Talked to people in the halls (actually I ran into Chris 2 and talked, he doesn't "love" me anymore, thank god), found my first class, World History, a freshman class. They were all, or mostly all freshmen. God they are so annoying. I don't like them. My class was super quiet and the girl next to me kept taking notes on every single word the teacher said. It was so irritating. She didn't look at me once.
2. Walked up 1 floor to my 2nd hour. Turns out it's the same class room as last year, even funnier is that again I'm taking a language there. Latin 1. My voice decided to walk out on me and I could barely talk. Must be coming down with something...( the rest of the day wasn't too bad though). Nothing to say about the class.
3. Health. The class with Chris. Turns out Amanda and Miranda are in my class as well.
Amanda reminds me of a southern girl. I have no clue as to why. She's tall, very blond. Her hair is very straight and a bit longer than shoulder length. She isn't fat, but she's well built (her height makes this less obvious and adds to her character). Wears pretty clothes and annoys me. She is an acquaintance made for the sake of conversation and appearing somewhat social...eh...well I need someone to talk to every once in a while (a decent conversation).
Miranda plays soccer with me and is kinda clingy. She thinks we are very alike. Appearances, hobbies, personality. She's wrong. Short, short brown hair, pudgy (also almost but not fat, blubber). A really nice girl but she can get so annoying. I suppose I don't mind her too much though.
They both remind me of Chloe. I don't know if I mentioned her. I think I did... Well she was in my gym class last year. She's had so many boyfriends. And we'd just talk. And it was nice cause it was a conversation. But she was so frikking annoying!
Well it's a good class. Like 5 girls and 15 guys. So many to choose from...hm...well I know who. Overall, good.
4. Science. I walked into a silent, empty, dark class room and sat down. I didn't have anything else to do! I played with my phone, and the idea of taking a book out to read. I was saved by Moya, he's also annoying. But once again, social companion. Don't like that class, even though Chris is there (he kept looking at me, or maybe it was just the girl sitting next to me...). I swear to god that class is filled with nerds, loners, and Chris's ex girlfriends. It sucks.
5. Lunch Time! So happy. Met up with Emi and Christi (actual friend kinda, still getting to know her). Ate, talked, laughed. Back to class.
6. Walked with Emi to the third floor for French. The class reminded me of last year. Hyper, girl talk, giggling, fun. The class doesn't seem too bad either. Surprised I can still understand French.
7. Walked with Emi to math. Our classes are right next to one another. I spaced out. Like the teacher kinda.
8. Last class! English. Weirdo teacher. Badly dyed blonde hair, way to much makeup, an odd face, everything blue and matching (nails, makeup, clothes, shoes) she likes horror and hello Kitty... I like the people in my class (to some better degree than before). Fine, decent class.
HOME. My friends mom drove me home. I love her dog.
And that's pretty much been my day...
One more thing. Emi and I met a totally awesome German guy! It was just so weird. We're going to be friends! That really made my day. So I'm happy about that.
The end of Day 1 Sophomore Year 2012-13 (how am I going to survive this now...?)
The color of the sky: A soft creamy white and pink, swirled around the center of the mass of clouds like cream on coffee is yellow orange, lacy on the fringes. And blue. Light soft blue, something reminding me of spring flowers.
Going night swimming with Emi.
6:38 new makeup (Morning)
Couldn't sleep last night. It's not like I'm that nervous or anything....well maybe just a bit. So I stayed up till around 12 reading Dying to Know You. Which isn't too bad of a book, well written, but personally, not my type. Still not sure why I read it. Maybe it was the fish on the cover. I gotta leave for school in about half an hour. I'm tired...
It's going to be warm today. 80.
I don't want to eat anything, but my mom's gonna make me since I "need energy" for my first day back.
I wonder if it's cold now, outside.
Gotta go put makeup on...and change.
Crap. ...
I feel like that older sister figure that runs around frantically while the little kid timidly gets ready for his first day of middle school.
Actually it's true.
Gotta run!
Monday 3 September 2012
Another page in a book
3 Am. We finally get home after the usual 12 hour drive from New York. I slept most of the ride, waking up occasionally to figure out the song I was listening to, and find another good one in the endless deck of songs on shuffle.
New York was fine. Saw people, friends, had fun. Went to church, which lasted forever, 2 hours. Painted, slept (not enough but I did), put together a 1000 piece puzzle. We didn't get to finish it.
One thing I noticed is that my dad thinks I'm perfect or something along those lines. I decided to go on a diet, cause I eat way to many sweets, and he says I don't need one. Well I want to and I kinda (just a bit) need to. My painting, which I see has so many faults and things I could do better, was (to him) amazing, perfect, or whatever. I always look pretty, he never blames me for anything, he believes me over my brothers all the time (yes I am older but still...). And it's kinda annoying.
Also on the way back, I woke up right before we got home. As we're driving through the far end of the city it's all quiet. No cars, no people. Just street lamps. Glowing in an inviting warm way. We're driving past the soccer fields, graveyard, old school, friends house and this is where I want to go back to and be stuck for another year? I mean that's what I was asking for when I said I can't wait to get back to school. So I guess this is where I'll be, with no escape aside from school, for the next 3 years. It still feels kinda like a prison, trapped in this tiny city/town and you can only go so far on your bike, but there's still a few places to explore I guess. Got to make the most out of this city, or I suppose it would be a waste of time.
This is totally random, but it somehow came to mind last night. The little things that are somehow romantic, but that's not quite the right word, more like...i dunno, little things. Silly yes, and mine are really weird.
White dresses, street lamps, playing the piano, scarves, flip phones, going to autumn football/soccer/baseball games, bike rides right before sun set on a quiet lazy late summer afternoon...balloons, I'll think of some more later.
The color of the sky: Golden shimmers, a cool breeze, only a few clouds, pale peach colored. Light blue sky, sprinkled with gold glitter from the sun.
School starts in 9 hours.
New York was fine. Saw people, friends, had fun. Went to church, which lasted forever, 2 hours. Painted, slept (not enough but I did), put together a 1000 piece puzzle. We didn't get to finish it.
One thing I noticed is that my dad thinks I'm perfect or something along those lines. I decided to go on a diet, cause I eat way to many sweets, and he says I don't need one. Well I want to and I kinda (just a bit) need to. My painting, which I see has so many faults and things I could do better, was (to him) amazing, perfect, or whatever. I always look pretty, he never blames me for anything, he believes me over my brothers all the time (yes I am older but still...). And it's kinda annoying.
Also on the way back, I woke up right before we got home. As we're driving through the far end of the city it's all quiet. No cars, no people. Just street lamps. Glowing in an inviting warm way. We're driving past the soccer fields, graveyard, old school, friends house and this is where I want to go back to and be stuck for another year? I mean that's what I was asking for when I said I can't wait to get back to school. So I guess this is where I'll be, with no escape aside from school, for the next 3 years. It still feels kinda like a prison, trapped in this tiny city/town and you can only go so far on your bike, but there's still a few places to explore I guess. Got to make the most out of this city, or I suppose it would be a waste of time.
This is totally random, but it somehow came to mind last night. The little things that are somehow romantic, but that's not quite the right word, more like...i dunno, little things. Silly yes, and mine are really weird.
White dresses, street lamps, playing the piano, scarves, flip phones, going to autumn football/soccer/baseball games, bike rides right before sun set on a quiet lazy late summer afternoon...balloons, I'll think of some more later.
The color of the sky: Golden shimmers, a cool breeze, only a few clouds, pale peach colored. Light blue sky, sprinkled with gold glitter from the sun.
School starts in 9 hours.
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