on the verge of starvation for something more

Today wasn't a bad day. But I feel like crying cause life is...well life.
Question 1. WHY am I fat? I play so much more soccer, I walk to school every day, and I don't over eat. Last year I was so much skinnier. It pisses me off.

Question 2 (This is more of a statement). Life at my other school was so different...I'm not sure why I started thinking about it after everything has been going so well. There I had more freedom, crazy adventures, I barely ate for some reason (I was skinnier than), the classes were better taught. Even if some stupid and crazy stuff happened it was worth it. Maybe I just need to try harder here.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower is coming out this week. Emi and I are going to see it. I read it last year and I didn't think it was that great. Now looking back on it, I think our 7th hour group is experiencing something along the lines of that book. In a weird way. Now I really want to re-read it and maybe I can answer a few more things about myself like that.

Had a soccer tournament this weekend. Our last game today was against a bunch of fat, pushy, big boobed, white trash, pussy bitches. And I am not kidding. I'm not saying this cause we lost, it's cause they played so dirty and their parents started yelling at us for doing things we weren't like pushing them. They complained so much and I was thinking, bitch if you wanna complain that you broke your nail get of the frikking field!

Totally in love with the Goo Goo Dolls. They make the world worth living, and make homework bearable.

Got a weird call from the chicago area. They actually left a voice mail but I have no clue who it was...maybe they'll call back.

The color of the sky: People call it red, but it's not. It's a bright almost neon orange mixed with a deep red. The sun. The clouds around it were contrasting, a feathery soft morning blue, bordered with the custard colored glow of the sun.

Tomorrow is another day. Going back to school, continuing the sad love story of my life.
I like sitting here. Criss crossed legs, computer resting on them, listening to the Goo Goo Dolls, and everything seems oddly perfect.
If it was perfect... there wouldn't be school tomorrow cause it's spring break. Soft spring light would be floating through the shades, the house all quiet and empty. The smell of summer wafting through the empty spaces. A clean uncluttered floor, and I would paint, or read or just lay there watching the ceiling. Nothing to worry about my social life would be all sorted out, a boyfriend, friends, people to just talk to about nothing. (I'd also be skinny). And there would be absolutely nothing to worry about.